Chronicling the ups and downs of my life as a twenty-something always second-guessing herself.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dirt under the Rug

Alyssa has successfully broken my mini ipod...I should have known better than to let her play with it even after I saw her shoving it into her ball popper to see it shoot up. It didn't actually get any air, naturally, but I could see her intentions were not to be gentle with it...ha!
I have my iphone still at least, and that will be put to use until I can get another mini.

I have been pretty absent from here lately. I have been dealing with loads of emotional baggage that has the potential to become heavy and unsightly, lol. So I'm taking care of it before it gets out of control. Woohoo! I've also been working on my side projects.

I've also resolved to put in my all to make things between Mike and I better.
We're so different and while I love his differences, passing time and added responsibilites have been making it more difficult for me to still love these differences. But enough of that. We'll emerge from this. I hope!

I know I said I was going to read A Confederacy of Dunces, but I have opted instead, to dive into Oryx and Crake. Mike and I wrapped up Jekyll and Hyde and I think, will begin Me Talk Pretty One Day, together. I've read it before, but I think it's worth the re-read.

I have no pictures for now. I'll upload tonight and hopefully tomorrow I can post. I'll leave you with this for now:



I have only heard one other song from the new Girls album and was not impressed. Maybe the rest of the album is better? This song at least, I enjoy. I'll have to see if I can check out the rest...

Bye!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Headache

This migraine might very well keep me out of commission for more than a day. I very rarely get one like this. Just awful.
New book to begin reading, because I like to pretend that I will have time to do anything other than study:
A confederacy of dunces.
Yep.

I have to get off my phone. Migraine...stabbing my eyelid...Gah!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Embarrassing

It's embarrassing how much I look forward to (sort of) watching the ABC Family Channel's installment of made-for-tv holiday movies during their "25 days of Christmas" promotion.

I don't really get to watch them, as I can't sit and enjoy them, even after Aly has gone to sleep for the night, but I love having them on in the background and checking in every now and then to see some cheesy, predictable story-line movie action. Mainly because it's holiday-related.
Included in these gems, are Snow and Snow 2, Snowglobe, and The Dog that Saved Christmas.

LOL Michael makes sooooo much fun of me...and I have to admit that I deserve the mocking. But I thoroughly enjoy myself, and I plan on seeing ABC Family through this holiday programming series.
I told Michael he was mistaken if he thought he'd married someone with any bit of hip-ness in them. He says he knows he didn't...

Picture update later! I made a video but have not had time to post it! Maybe I can get that up here later, too...

Monday, November 9, 2009

A space for a face and other good stuff

Deadlines.
I have deadlines I have to meet.
I am setting them up today, because in a world of no deadlines, I could carry on forever with good intentions and nothing to show for them. That's the just the way I am.
I need lists, target dates for completion, commitment, reminders to put myself out there for possible rejection, and all these things I think I would otherwise love doing without. Well, not the lists. I love lists.

I am going to regain a sense of self again. It's not been lost completely, just buried; pushed to the back of a mental basement to make room for newly acquired roles that I have been busying myself with. But I'm not going to do anything until January.

For now, I'll relax, soak in the happiness of the holidays, and enjoy that sense of excitement and anticipation that comes with the knowledge of an impending project.

A note on marriage and a sense of independence:
How does one reconcile the desire to both be actively engaged in a fulfilling partnership, and continue to have a life outside of it for oneself?
It seems easy enough. Go out with your girlfriends every once in a while, come back home, and resume where you left off the night before.
And yet, I feel this is a tricky balance.
You have to be careful not to want to recapture a time that seemed simpler and more exciting in so many ways: one's youth. I was thinking about this because I'll admit, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be single again. Not because I don't love Michael or because I want to see anyone else; I guess it's a silly sense of freedom, a sense of mystery and possibility that might be available to you.

But I know deep down, that this is just a curiosity, because I always come crawling back to my current life. It really is much nicer. Much much nicer.

Nostalgia has a way of making things more pleasant, I think, than they actually were.
And nostalgia, it will remain.
That is how I have chosen to enjoy those "simpler" times. Times when I was waiting around for someone or something to shake up my life, to chase whatever path it lead me down; it was a new adventure, something new to discover. (And anyways, I believe you can't ever really 'get back to where you once were.' That would require a mental and emotional wipe, ala Eternal Sunshine or something).

This life will provide me with just as many if not more possibilities for adventure; I just have to be open to them, and willing to work for results. And I get the sense that this will be more satisfying than anything I would have done with my youth.
And so it is that I welcome this next chapter in my life with open arms.

And on that note, I leave you to enjoy your day. :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Three is better than two

Hi!
We surprised my mom in the middle of her workout and Alyssa pointed out some things...

...and some more over here, she says.

Michael showing Alyssa a squirrel at the park.


Swinging. She did have socks and shoes on, but peeled them off, as she usually does.

My sweet potato.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Always and forever.

I will always love you, Alyssa. Always. No matter the distance, no matter what we've done or said to each other, no matter where we are in our lives. I will always love you.

she is sweet. My little girl will be turning 1 on November 4th. ONE!!! I know just about every parent I know says this, but really, I can hardly believe it. The time has really, truly flown by.
Blink and she's going to be 15, then 18, then leaving me to forge a life of her very own, at which point, I'll probably cry.

I got a 30-minute break tonight from baby watch, so I must head back upstairs to my little one.
Most of my 30 minutes was spent loading the pictures off my camera onto the computer, and then uploading them onto flickr. I have so much more to write, to say, to give pictures of, but alas, I'll have to wait for another day to let you in on it.

Goodnight! :)

Monday, October 5, 2009

Exploring Fear

In regards to some things, it's so much easier to live in fear.
I live in fear of so much. I have always wanted to be a strong person and when I can, I am.
When I have no other choice, I am. But when there's a choice, it's so much more difficult.

What is the source of my fear? I think it's reasonable to say that there is more than one source, because my fears run the gamut. So, where to begin?

Part of the problem with living in fear, is also the dishonesty. Not malicious, deliberately sneaking lies, but the desire for what is untrue, to be true.

I think John F Kennedy said it well in a commencement address to Yale University students in 1962:
"The great enemy of of the truth is very often not the lie- deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth- persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic."
And one year earlier, in his inaugural address, there was this quote; although he was speaking of foreign policy, I think it suits my thoughts here: "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate."

But here I am, negotiating out of fear. Compromising, settling, talking myself out of things I want, things I think might make my life better. Things that might make my short time here on earth, better spent. For others and for myself. Others are missing out too, you know, because I am missing out on myself.
And I am fearful of negotiating. Because to negotiate, to navigate through my mental muck, I'd actually have to take a good, honest look at things. I'd have to map out those as yet uncharted territories in my mind that I have not wanted to venture into yet.

So here we are, at square one.
I'm still at square one.
Are you?

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I have not been back to this site for a very long time. Nearly a month!
Life has been keeping me going at a crazy speed and I have had virtually no time for myself. It's catching up to me. I've decided that I'm going to ask Grandma to keep Alyssa for a few hours next weekend so that I can have some time to go grab a tea and sit and read and write a little bit.

So, there are a few bigger updates. I'm sorry no pictures, but I'm rushing.
Anyways, Alyssa had her first real cold. I had given her the sniffles once before, but it was really just some tired-ness and congestion. This time, she had a fever. Poor thing. She wasn't terribly congested, though. That was one good thing, but she had tummy problems and at one point the fever reached 104 degrees. The first night, since the Children's Motrin wasn't working, we checked her every 30 minutes, taking lukewarm showers with her when she was over 102. We did that until 5 o'clock when her fever held steady at 101.

The next night, we checked her every hour instead of every half hour, giving her lukewarm showers whenever she got above 102 (again, because the Motrin wasn't keeping it down and we couldn't give her another dose yet), until 5 when again, her fever subsided into the 101 area.

THEN, the following night, she reached 103 and we could not get her temp down, and we could not give her another dose yet of Motrin. Hospital trip. Awesome. Especially awesome because we're switching policies for her, and her policy is supposed to start on the 1st, but we haven't officially sent in the docs yet.
I'm really glad we took her though. She topped out at 104. They gave her a "fever cocktail" of Children's Motrin and Children's Tylenol (via suppository for quicker-acting relief.) And an hour later, she was at 100. We went home at 11:00 from the hosp and Alyssa felt so much better that she decided she could not go to sleep. She was all energy. We were up until 1:30 with her until finally, she decided she could use some sleep.

The following day, she had a slight (99ish) fever for most of the day, and towards the end of the evening, she didn't have one. She still did not deign to sleep very much and at 11:30 when she woke up wanting to play that night and we did not let her, she gave an award-winning fit. It was so bad that I began to doubt if she was alright. She doesn't usually throw fits like that, but this is the 2nd fit like that in about a week. I'm beginning to think that this is going to be the new thing. The behavior my almost-toddler has decided to adopt when she's really ticked. Good-bye easy-going, relaxed baby. Hello toddler who throws tantrums. God help me. Me and her, because I want her to be a happy girl. Not a frustrated and/or spoiled child. Happy girl, please!

Lesli and I have been running together. I'm going over there again today. I've missed out on running though for nearly two weeks because I'd been feeling weak the week before Alyssa got sick, and then Alyssa got sick the following week, so badda bing badda boom, no running. But the day after Aly's fever broke, I was out with Les, running a mile. Just a mile, but still.
We want to run the Turkey Trot in about 4 weeks. It's a 5k. I definitely think we can do it.
I used to love running 5k's. Let's see if I still do.

Okay, so I have to go get ready. Alyssa is asleep and I need to get packed and dressed for grandma's. Ooooh. And I just finished reading the last Potter book with Mike (it's the only one I've read), and then The Sugar Queen. Both great; totally different, of course, but both were just what I needed. Next up? Not sure. I have a bio on el Che that's in need of reading. Perhaps that...

:) Bye!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Nothing to Worry About...sort of...

Lately, been repeating these videos on youtube:



Well, and Peter Bjorn and John's Nothing to Worry About, but they disabled the embedding on that video so I can't post it here...

Life has been life...I always feel like I have too much on my plate, and by trying to cover a little bit of everything, nothing gets accomplished.
This is it. I am getting organized and mobilized. I am going to get shit done.

Just the other day, I was thinking back to the time when it was just me on my own and do you know what I realized? I've lost a lot of myself when I got wrapped up in the inevitable process of becoming another person: someone that falls in love; someone that moves in with someone; someone that gets married; someone that has a child. That person that I swore I would not become for many many years seemed to spring to life and almost instantly whoever I had been seemed like a distant thought. Someone less appealing. Mike and whoever this doppelganger was, they ran off together. Quickly, blindly, happily.

It seems that only now that Michael and this person have slowed down a bit, that my other half, my past half, has caught up. It came out of nowhere...

I don't miss my past at all. I have been considerably happier with Michael and now with Alyssa, of course. But there are some things that I do miss. Really do miss.
For one thing, I was organized. I daydreamed more, too. I felt creative and at least every now and then I churned out something kind of nice...

It got late while writing this-- gotta go check on Alyssa!!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Blibbity Blabbity Too

So, M ichael has given me the night off, sweet man. How am i going to spend it? I won't waste it all online, I promise! I'm going to update, check a few blogs, and move on!

Michael's family asked if they could come over today to hang out and have a sort of potluck dinner.
We agreed and got ready for the meal by making some slow cooker BBQ chicken, but we never heard from them. My brother and mother however, both came over in the late afternoon. The Michaels took Aly to the pool while my mom and I went to Whole Foods. She was shocked at the pries. I know, I know...their meat department however, does have some good weekly deals. It's just a matter of going there to check periodically.

I got home just in time to put a sleepy baby to bed so that my brother and hubby could watch District 9, and I would stay with Alyssa while she slept. (I also found that I had locked everyone out of the house. Woo!) My mom went off make-up hunting and yaaay! brought me back a MAC lipstick that I've been wanting! I tried it on right away and love it as I thought I would.
I know very very little about makeup, but I'm slowly getting more into it. It's sad that I'm doing this only in my mid-twenties, I know. I do like makeup, but I've always been wary of all those chemicals they have...mercury in mascara to name one hazard, and your skin absorbs 60% of what you put on it, directly into your bloodstream, if I'm not mistaken. So...imagine wearing this stuff everyday since whatever age you start...just kind of makes me feel a bit ick.

Anyways, I have no pictures for you tonight. I am so so lazy and eager to get off early from here, that I will just post the link to my Flickr account.
Nevermind those purse pics...

And I'm off! Have a great night!!!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

An Update, sort of.

So, this long weekend has given us plenty to do. We've spent it mostly with family and friends.
Maybe tomorrow I'll stop by and see Kerrie...now that I think about it, I probably won't. Should've done that today; I was right over there, and tomorrow we'll be getting ready for a potluck with Mike's family over here...so there will probably be no time!

Mike and my brother will be going to see District 9 tomorrow morning, and my mother and I will be doing some Whole Foods shopping for her. She wants to switch over to non-toxic, biodegradable cleaning products and I told her that's my go-to place for that stuff.
Then we'll be cleaning and cooking for most of the day after that, I imagine.
I wish Les was in town, I'd go see her tomorrow for sure. But alas, my well-traveled friend is in NYC this weekend.

In unrelated news, you may notice that I have another blog. It's a blog that no one else reads because it's my ramblings on the difficulties of marriage and making it work. One of my more celebrated teachers in high school once told us that love is sometimes not enough to make things work out in a relationship. It is only recently that I am catching onto this. That's not to say that I am unhappy or ready to walk away. I'm just saying that marriage takes work, and that toiling beyond the love stuff is needed. If only I wasn't so damn uptight...maybe that would make things easier?

Alyssa has been her usual darling self. She is my favorite person. And a person, she is becoming! She has her own preferences, shakes her head when she doesn't want something, tells me when she's in the mood to give me hugs or not. Where did this little person come from? Just a few months ago, she was mostly quiet and observant. Now, she's telling us what she thinks! I love her.

So...tomorrow I should try to get on here and update again. Until then, I'm off to bed! G'night!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I am so so sick. And yet, I spent the day and night trying to survive taking care of Alyssa and going about regular daily tasks. I was in and out of a fever. I feel like it's back but I can't find the damn thermometer. Wouldn't make a difference anyways. 

Michael took Aly at around 10:30 so that I could relax. I ended up spending 30 minutes online (15 of which were spent trying to figure out why my yahoo account would not let me login). And the rest of the time up till now was spent doing laundry, sifting through some of the last move-in bags, and washing dishes, storing food Michael made for Alyssa, picking up tissues and diapers that did not make it to the garbage all day because I felt so weak...And now I am EXHAUSTED.
I am going upstairs to brush my teeth, take another shower, and crawl into bed where I'll likely not pass out immediately. God willing, I'll get to sleep right away, but eh...
Hopefully Micahel will wake up with Aly and take her to the beach to walk around a bit in the morning so that I can sleep in and maybe kick this thing?

Monday, August 24, 2009

A Trade

So, tomorrow, I will be pulling a switcheroo with someone. A student going off to college, purchased a Macbook a little under a year ago, and has decided they'd prefer a smaller, Windows-based laptop for school. Smart decision. It was a pain in the ass having a Mac at school because I was too broke to spring for proper software that would alleviate some of the problems I ran into- i.e. trying to download a partner's paper to proof from their Window's based PC. Ugh.
He checked out the specs and wants to trade me for mine. An even trade.

I actually really like my laptop. In fact, I love it. But on the whole, I prefer a Mac.
And so, tomorrow I will be giving someone my beloved Gateway laptop.
Bye bye baby. I will miss you. A lot. I hope your new owner treats you well.

Mmmm....Michael just finished making chicken cordon-bleu and I just had a taste. Delicious stuff. And now, I will go make madeleine cookies and wash some laundry!

Pictures tomorrow. At last! I transferred them to the PS3, then to a thumbdrive, and tomorrow, I'll get 'em on the computer. Okay, off to get things done!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Pictures, please?

Many many pictures to post. Now if only I could find my camera cord...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

To do's Today

List of things to get accomplished today:
+Move conference room table to garage
+Move antique table to first floor hallway- DONE!
+Cook two meals for me and Mike and two or three for Alyssa
+Wash one load of laundry- DONE!
+Write in 2 recipes to my recipe book- DONE!
+Try out new eyeshadow- DONE!
+Drive over donation stuff to my parents' house- DONE!
+Write up at least 3 baby shower game ideas for Jen to pick from
+Call Nikole and Amanda- DONE!
+Print pictures from USB- DONE!
+Mail out letter to Aunt- DONE!
+Visit used bookstore on Federal- DONE!
+William Sonoma for doughnut cutter and cookie cutters- DONE!
+Take Alyssa into the pool- DONE!


Update:
I want you know...there are admittedly many times when I shake my head at my husband's habits, and I wonder if I'll be able to accept them for the next hopefully 50 or so years.
And I, ever the pessimist, and someone who just barely believes in "love" with one person forever, will run down the list of good and bad things (as I perceive them) about my husband; whereupon, I always have to admit that although the list of habits I do not enjoy is considerably longer than the ones I do, the list of good ones he has more than makes up for the bad stuff. So here we are. I appreciate him and all of the good he has to offer. I really do.

Off to get these things done now that the baby is up!!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A sort of confession? A bit of bad taste.

Something you may or may not know about me: I looooove after-school special shows.
I mean, I like ones about degenerates as well (i.e. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia), but I also enjoy what may be labeled as "family" shows. So, I watch some really lame-o ones. One in particular that I've watched from beginning to end, several times over, is What I Like About You.
And, okay, so I've never wanted a sister, but having watched this show, I have decided I really wish I could have had one. Although...I don't believe the relationship between Holly and Valerie are at all what most sisters' relationships are actually like in real life! Still, the show has me thinking about what it would be like to have one. Kind of silly, I know; but there it is. A sort of confession.

Here's one that may take the cake- I really really like the made-for-TV movie Holiday In Handcuffs; so much so, that I have asked Michael to buy it for me this Christmas since I didn't get it last Christmas.

So, I suppose this may change your feelings about me now that you know what terribly cheese-ball stuff I like. lol

Friday, July 31, 2009

Movies and Music


A Must:


I read this book to Alyssa every week at least once. (I'd read it more, but she's not yet 9 months old, and seeing as how it's not too colorful or chew-able as her board books are, she doesn't care to read it more often than that.) I must say though, that I think it's messed up how mean Max is to the Wild Things when he's king. Like he treats them the way he's been treated even though he didn't like it, himself. What the heck is that about?? Alyssa and I usually discuss this upon finishing the book...and then she'll end the discussion with a toot or a giggle. I love her.

Another must: I love Michael Cera...every time I see him I just want to squeeze him...



This looks like a cute movie. One that'll put a smile on my face.

And finally, I've been on a Beirut kick again lately. I really really enjoy Zach Codon and his musical stylings:





Today, watching Alyssa at play, seeing her look up at me and laugh a nice hearty laugh just because I was hacking a bit, then leaning back to give me a kiss, I thought how nice it will be to play with her in more elaborate scenes as she gets older. Hopefully it'll be as nice as I'm thinking it'll be. It'll be nice for me as long as she enjoys hanging out with me.
I have plans for building a time machine with her...we'll be time traveling cool kids. Yeah...


Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sicky-pants McGee

I am terribly sick. Sore throat, feeling worn out, every muscle in my body is aching and feeling tired.

Alyssa had a slight fever a couple of days ago, a runny nose, and was quite irritable for a few days leading up to that. We figured she was teething. Now I think she was teething and sick, poor little baba ghanoush.
Today she seems to be back to her usual, happy, energetic self. Aaaaaand, she is getting her very first tooth in. You can officially see and feel the top of a little tooth on the bottom right-hand side of her mouth. I am so happy for her. Who knew that a tooth could make me so excited and happy? She's growing up. So quickly, I might add.

Every passing day she surprises me with something new- she'll turn the page now for me when we're reading (board books only, not thin pages- she tries, but can't get only one with those!). She mimics noises form time to time, and is curious about how handles work, among other things. These are so mundane, I know, but I enjoy seeing her make connections. I enjoy just about everything she does.

She is exhausting, but she is so much fun. My family visisted us today for a couple of hours, and when my mom, dad, and Alyssa were dancing and laughing, I asked my mum if my brother and I were as much fun as Alyssa is, and she was like, "no. no way." And she was totally serious! Haha! I guess I should have expected that, maybe? My brother was a serious little kid, and I was mostly quiet and observant. This is what I've been told about us, and I believe it- It's mostly how we are now.

I had pictures taken on my phone of my little family engaged in various activities, that I was going to upload, but for whatever reason, they have been erased by my husband while he tried to update the firmware on my phone.

So only two pics this time:
My snack tonight:

Reading to Alyssa: (You can see the pots and pans that we were banging around with, in the background)

She is such a sweet little potato. I love her.


Ugh. I need some Ricola cough drops...
Going to get a drink and then curl up with my book in bed.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Lovers

So, I have grown up with carbohydrates at every meal.
Breakfast always had toast or was some sort of bready-food item. A pastry or an english muffin, pancakes, muffins....mmm...or homefries. Yum!!! Breakfast was my favorite meal.
Lunch always had a sandwich or a wrap or pasta somewhere in it.
Dinner always had rice and some other starch- plantains cooked in various ways, potatoes, sweet potatoes, beans, or whatever.
I love eating. Always have. And carbs/starches have been a favorite of mine. I love them.
Sugar is another love of mine, but more than sugar, it's the carbs.
My mother made all the carbs brown (whole wheat, brown rice, etc), and she cooked really healthy stuff, but since I've been on my own, I've been eating like crap. Especially since I hate cooking. There's been a lot of canned and boxed stuff and lots and lots of eating out. Feel free to gag, reading that last sentence.

Diabetes runs in my family. My mothers' side is made up of string-bean skinny people. I think my mom is the "biggest" at a size 6. My fathers' side however, is mostly overweight and diabetic.
It is a well-accepted fact around the house, that my tastes and eating habits mirror those of my father and his side of the family. Ha!

I don't want diabetes or high cholesterol (of which I've already been told I have a high level for someone my age). I would like to have healthy eating habits.
So, after an acquaintance told me about the specific carbohydrate diet, I looked into it.
In short, it's a diet primarily for people who cannot eat grains or gluten, and most dairy.
I'm not following it for a couple of reasons, one being that I must eat wheat (gluten) if I am going to eat anything with flour in it at all (allergic to the alternative almond flour), but it has so many delicious recipes.

So here it is: I am going to try to eat carbs at only 1 or 2 meals a day. I have been eating them at breakfast and lunch, but not snacking on them, and not at dinner. Or, like today, I had a burger and a salad for dinner, so I skipped out on the carbs at lunch anticipating the roll I'd eat with dinner. And I still had pancakes and eggs for breakfast. So it's not like I'm drastically re-working my diet. Just trimming it and trying new, healthier recipes.

Anyways, I don't think it's too much to cut out. I still eat it everyday, I've just cut out at least half of it. Instead of fruit or veggies, I always snacked on carb. Now, I eat fruits and veggies as a snack instead. I still don't like fruit or veggies all that much, but I am learning to like them. Ugh.
(I'm not adventerous in my eating either...but I'm trying)...

Wish me luck in eating healthier!!

I'll be making my own yogurt when I get my YoGourmet ingredient in the mail. Curious how that'll end up! :p

Friday, July 17, 2009

Volunteer

So, I signed up for Volunteer Broward over a year ago, attended orientation, and then never did anything because the more pregnant I got, the more tired I got. And then once Aly was born, I didn't really know how to both raise a child AND continue occasionally living a life outside of her.

So fast forward to now, and I am finally going to commit to volunteering somewhere. I am on a mission darnit. Just one weekend a month. That's not too much to ask for, is it? There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to meet that small goal? Is there?

Ok. Well, tomorrow, my mother is watching Aly and I'll be cleaning our home/cooking while Michael clears out the rest of what remains at our old house.

Maybe some grilled mahi mahi? I had telapia tonight so maybe not more fish...
We'll see!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Surprise

Sometimes I am surprised to see my initial reaction/decisions about things. Sometimes I am proud of myself and happy about the road I was first compelled to take, and others, an initial decision horrifies me and I wonder if I really am a terrible person. Terrible person as in petty and mean-spirited.

I fight it. I don't go with the petty and mean route (not usually at least), but I am still surprised and a saddened to see that side of me. Has anyone noticed this kind of occasional meanness in themselves? There I was, watching a movie tonight, and bam, something happened that made me scream inside that I would not have done what one of the main characters had done. I got to thinking about how I would have reacted in the character's case, and there she was- that mean, petty, unforgiving person. Jealous and ready to turn someone in need away for so many stupid reasons. I really hope I'm not really a mean person trying to be a nice one. :(

No dangit, I'm not. I'm a nice person. Aren't I?

In other news, we are trying to convince Alyssa to sleep in the crib. It's not going so well.
Additionally, she's been such a cranky-pants. She hasn't been her wonderful, pleasant self, these past two days. Additionally, she's hardly eating. Michael thinks she may be teething, but I told him that if she isn't back to herself in another day, we're taking her to see the pediatrician.

Ok. Off to bed.

Note to self: pick up a copy of The Secret Garden tomorrow and read it to my little miss.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Struggling a bit lately...

There are moments in my life where I find myself so carefree and content that I stop whatever I'm doing and begin to reflect on the possible reasons why I have such an easy life. And then I imagine less-fortunate, exploited, and/or painfully uneducated and forgotten people (i.e. Appalachian area) who must not have these moments, and I start to feel a bit guilty and down about the state of those peoples' lives. So...other than the things you can control, why do bad things, sometimes befall good people, and good things. sometimes happen to bad people? And how did I luck out with my life? Is it just that- luck? A random lottery draw?

I wonder if I'll get these answers upon my death. ? Morbid thought, but really, I wonder if I'll ever know the answers to these questions.

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Today, my family and I made the trek to South Beach. We are not wild about Miami, though I will say that if you have to live in South Florida in general, it's probably the best place you can be.
Anyways, we made the trek because my brother likes a German bar down there and wanted to take my husband to drink some beer and eat some meat there. (Consuming these two foods is unquestionably one of my brother's favorite pastimes). "My mother and I will go to the Seaquarium," I think to myself. Well, then I see online that it's mostly outdoors, not like an Aquarium which is generally an indoor affair. So I let my brother and my hubby know that they can go without me; I don't want to have Alyssa out for a few hours in the sun. "Go to the Lincoln Road mall!" my brother suggests. I picture an indoor mall, as malls generally are indoor establishments.

We arrive, and of course, the "mall" is less like an indoor mall, and more of an outdoor shopping district.
So, the end result is still me and my sweaty, miserable 8-month old hanging out in this 90+ degree weather without shade, save a few tiny awnings sprinkled here and there. It wasn't even shaded like I can say the Las Olas shopping district is shaded. ::sigh::

For two hours we walked around. Alyssa was so hot and sweaty that she basically just sat limp in my arms or in her stroller with her head down, looking at the floor or her stroller straps. Such a sad sight. We kept her hydrated and moving and took her into some over-priced yuck stores every now and then to cool off. Ugh! My parents and I eventually met up with my brother and husband at said bar/restaurant, and we hung out there for another hour or so. Alyssa perked up in the A/C, but was still sticky with dried sweat, and in need of a diaper change.
The thing about this restaurant and with the others we stopped at in that area- no changing table, and nowhere in the tiny bathrooms to even use as a makeshift one. Awesome. All in all, I'd say that that area is great to bring your baby to. What was my brother thinking???
I know that area can be fun, but not with a baby in tow, especially during the hottest part of the day, during what is arguably one of the hottest months of the year in South Florida...with cloth diapers. After three hours of this, we had to make another three stops: one at a pizza place, one at an empanada place, and one at an establishment offering 200 different kinds of beer.

Alyssa screamed on the way home, eventually passing out for a bit. When we arrived home, I fed her dinner, played with her, gave her a bath, and helped her pass out around 10:30. So here I am in bed finally, writing this.

What a day!

I am looking forward to tomorrow when I will insist that Michael and I go to the pool with Alyssa and possibly to a used bookstore I spotted over on Oakland.

Tuesday night, Michael, Alyssa, my mother in law, and I will all be driving up at 4am to Tampa, and then back down around 9:00pm to avoid a hotel stay. Whew! Another day I'm kind of concerned about surviving. Mainly because of the babe.

And finally, we were hit with a surprise $1500 fee by our association that should have been payed at the time of closing, but wasn't. So, we're scrambling to pull that out of our already-thin budget and in an effort to cut back and cover part of that, I doubt I'm going with Michael to Portland. Michael will probably fly up early on the 8th and fly back down that same night to once again, avoid hotel costs.

Can I win the lottery anytime soon, please? lol :)

Okay, off to cuddle with my baby!!! Hubby is still downstairs killing zombies, but I'll cuddle with him too when he finally makes it back up here! :p

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Finally!

I was able to pick up my contact lenses today. What a good feeling! I really prefer them for the day to day stuff than my glasses that perpetually fall off my face.

These past two days have been busy busy busy again.
Though Alyssa, Michael, and I did make time to play in water, and to watch bubbles cannibalize each other before we popped them in their collectively large state. Alyssa has a look of concentration whenever she reaches for them. She's so cute. I am enamored of everything she does. Well, almost everything. Letting me sleep well, and accepting the fact that we'd like her to sleep in her crib at night (right next to our bed, c'mon!) would be great.

I have no pictures to post tonight, as I have not taken any in a few days.
Tomorrow, my friends. Tomorrow.

Watched Benny and Joon tonight. Cute movie. Am I the only one who thought that Johnny Depp reminded them of Spike, Snoopy's brother. Something about the way that he looked in that movie just makes me think that...




Eh? Eh?

Okay off to brush my teeth and get to bed!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Familia

My family has been in rotation here. My aunt from London came to visit, then my cousin and her children have been visiting from Las Vegas for a bit now. My aunt from New Jersey stopped in briefly, and this past week, my cousin from Texas came down for a quick visit. He'll be in Ft. Lauderdale until Thursday.

I really love my family, and though we are scattered, i am so happy we see each other.
I am going to make a serious effort to go visit them as well. London, Texas, Las Vegas, and New Jersey...

I have been hanging out with them most days, lately, and as such, our home remains fairly untouched. We still haven't settled. i cannot wait to have everything calm down enough to get back into making progress with our home.

Other news: This month, i think I'll be able to sign up for classes starting in August. Woohoo!
Michael, Alyssa, and I will all be in Portland, Oregon in August for a wedding.
We saw Transformers 2 today. Awesome. We then discussed other giant-robot franchises that we have enjoyed over the years...what a bunch of nerds...

Tomorrow, we're all meeting up again, and hopefully somewhere in there, I will squeeze in some chores. But let's be honest- i probably won't.

Off to bed!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Bake, Bake, Bake, panic

I've been in the mood to bake lately.
Two nights ago, I made blueberry muffins from scratch. I had a mini-bite of one because I'm too scared to eat it. I hear they're good though.

Tonight, Michael and I picked up some freshly ground peanut butter from Whole Foods, and are making flour-less peanut butter cookies. Yum! I am having a panic-attack as we speak because I just ate one and am terrified that my mouth will swell and that I'll have to go to the hospital, or worse, that my throat will close. This panic and fear has a grip on me even though I just double-checked my tests and I am NOT allergic to peanuts. Nonetheless, thus is the life of someone who already has an anxiety/panic disorder. Seriously, my heart feels liek it may just beat right through my chest cavity right now. Slight hyperventilation. Ugh. Nice, Megan.

Two pics. More manana.
\


Now let me check my test sheets again...

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Souvenirs

Last night, I was checking myself out in the mirror (trying to make myself want to exercise after having to see the cellulite and all), and I noticed that I have soooooo many varicose veins. Soooo many. It's just awful. I had a few before I had Alyssa, but wow, after having her, it's like ugly city down there. This sucks.
I am complaining about my body, and then bam, I see something on National Geographic about some poor boy who was born with a rare genetic disease that makes him horribly disfigured and puts him in serious danger of dying young. I know, put into perspective, these are minor things to have to put up with, but I am wholly unsatisfied with the shape I'm in.

We are almost completely unpacked, but take a look at what I was faced with still, only days ago:

In what will be Alyssa's room.

What a freaking mess. This is one area of the living room.

The breakfast bar looking into the kitchen.

And a bag full of recyclables because for whatever reason, our community does not recycle...we'll be taking them in ourselves.

Little by little, this townhouse is starting to grow on us. One thing I miss most? No where to sit and see nature; nowhere to even go for a walk, unless we want to make the 20 minute walk to the beach. We do have some really nice parks near us, and I will probably end up taking Alyssa there so that she can experience some "nature," but there are no more opportunities to sit outside and feel the breeze while watching birds peck around at our grass or out of our bird feeder. There is no greenery here to speak of. I am determined to make one of our patios on the top floor, our own secret garden. I'll post a before and after.


The 22nd was my birthday. 26. We celebrated with a sweet potato pie and dinner my mother made for me. She loves me. Michael bought me a new laptop, and my brother's gift to me (at my request) will be taking us to the Premier in Boca to watch Transformers this weekend.
Oh, and can I say how excited I am for the new Harry Potter?

Aly and Mike at birthday dinner:




Yo:
Check out half of my allergy testing:

I am allergic to oats, barley, rye, and slightly to almonds. Although, I eat almonds all the time. Especially when they're coated in chocolate.
And outside of food, I am allergic to just about everything else on earth. My doctor said I'm the type of person they'd write papers on. Ha!

Enough about me. What's new with you?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

A Little Change

The picture above was taken in the half bath in our new townhome.
It is so sterile and big compared to our old, tiny home that we just came from.
Old, tiny housing is what I'm used to. And now this...the building lacks any character whatsoever. However, nothing is falling apart or broken, and we have more space, and so, I am happy. It will just take awhile to make some memories here.

Actually, the first memory that I can associate with this place so far, is of me being incredibly frightened. The very first day we came to measure for blinds and check it out before officially moving in, Michael and I brought a multi-grain Pizza Fusion pizza with us to eat.
I was just finishing my second piece when my entire mouth swelled up. It was so bad that you could see it on the outside. My cheeks were huge.
I panicked because I know your throat can close in these situations. We left in a hurry to get to the hospital in case I needed help.
I was two days away from having insurance though, and didn't want to go in unless I absolutely had to. We waited, and the swelling began to die down. It was with me for a couple of hours, but it went away, thankfully.
So, that was my first memory here in our new home. That of panic.

Fast forward two weeks, and I am afraid to eat anything bread-y. I went to the allergist and a preliminary test showed me as allergic to oats, barley, wheat, and some grains.
I used to have food allergies: chicken, yeast, mint, etc. But I haven't had any since I was a very young child. I guess they are back, and with a vengeance because my mouth never swelled like that. I used to just break out into hives.

I go back tomorrow for more conclusive testing, but the sheer fear of swelling up like that and possibly of having my throat close, has kept me away from any kind of breads and oats. The only carby thing I'm eating is rice. As a result, I have gone down a dress size. It's crazy. I'm a size 2 now. This may be the best diet ever: a diet based on fear, lol.

So tomorrow will be busy with picking up contact lenses, going to the allergist for a couple of hours (oi!), and cleaning the rest of the mess in the house.

Happy Fathers Day to all you papas out there!! And to the one in this picture. He is a doting father. That is for sure.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Favorites


There she is. The most delightful person I think I may ever have the pleasure of meeting.

Before I became a mother, I used to imagine that having a child was akin to seeing your heart walking around, entirely too unprotected. And now that I am a mother, I now know that she's even more important to me than my own heart. She's awesome.

Sooooo, we have moved in, y'all.
The place is really nice, but a bit too big for my liking. It is by far the largest home I have ever lived in. I prefer small, cozy homes with character. And while this townhouse is beautifully new and clean, with upgraded appliances and a nice master bath, it is cookie cutter and cavernous.
At least, that's my opinion.
Nonetheless, I'm not asking anyone to kick me out of here! It is a nice place to live.
I'll post pictures later tomorrow. I actually haven't even taken any. We've been strapped for time.

Today, I went to the allergist. Something I ate last week, made my mouth and face swell up immensely. A preliminary test shows that I am allergic to: oats, rye, wheat, and barley. Nice.
I have officially sworn off multi-grain anything and cannot even eat my favorite pre-made cookies. I have to go back on Monday to take one last test before the doctor gives me the final list of items to avoid.

Ok. So, off to bed. I am exhausted.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Ellamennopee

Sorry I haven't been on here for a while. I have been very busy! Very busy indeed.
Michael and I have been trying to get our lives in order, and apparently, that will take up quite a bit of your time. Ha!

So, as you probably do not know, Michael owned a real-estate title company.
A few months back, he shut down because he was not producing enough and thus, was more a of a liability for his underwriter, than was worth it.

Here we are, several months later, and he is still looking for a job.
He has been looking, but I think he was banking on the possibility of asking his sister to see if she could get him a job at her place of work. Unfortunately, as he found out this week, they are not hiring for any position that pays what he wants to make.

I have offered to get a job, and he can stay home with the baby, because I can make what we need, in order for one of us to stay home. But he insists that it is his role to provide, and that Alyssa needs me, not him. He loves us. But I wish he'd be open to that option!
And if that was not already complicated enough, let me throw in a foreclosure.
When Michael originally lost his job at the title company he was working at before he opened his own, we could no longer afford our house. From there, we wouldn't have fought for it even if we could (which we could not), as it has devalued tremendously- I'd say, by about $150,000. Ridiculous. So, we have the sale date of our home- July 8th.

Fast forward to today. We make the decision to rent a townhouse in a nice neighborhood (a serious upgrade from our current one), at a really reasonable price. (It will be only a few hundred dollars more than our last one-bedroom 900 square ft apt, and this is a 2500 sq ft townhouse)! Florida is freaking expensive...And we won't have to pay for the first two months.
So, in a couple of weeks or less, we will be moving into a brand new, never-lived-in townhouse. I like this. However, I do not like that we are living off of savings. Yuk.

I am so anxious. I want to start looking for work for myself despite what Michael says. I really wouldn't mind being the one to work. I'd be happy if one of us could stay home with Alyssa no matter which one of us it is.

Okay, so tomorrow, we will have grandma and grandpa over to watch the little babooshka so that Mike and I can start packing and cleaning.
I will also take that opportunity to post pictures!

Sunday will be spent with the in-laws. Not sure yet what the plan is though...
And Monday will be spent with Julie up in Lake Worth.

And lastly, I would love to see this movie this weekend, but I doubt that will happen. Time constraints and all: Away We Go.

Okay y'all. Goodnight!!!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Friday Night

Well, life has been life.

I have been really working on myself; becoming more patient, taking note of things that make me happy instead of dwelling/focusing on everything I would change about people, my life, and myself.

Other than that, I'd say my life is pretty dull. If I were to write a book about it right now, it would not be a page turner.
Life is work. I am working at unlearning my usually unrelenting pessimism and fear of everything; I am working on my marriage, as sharing a life with someone is not easy; I am working on being a mother, a human being, a sister, a daughter, and a friend, as I have never been good at the latter four, and am hoping not to mess up the first.
But, I am happy.
And yet, there is a restlessness within me; a desire for something additional. I think I really want to get on with this psychology thing...

Saw Lesli yesterday. She's in a great place in her life; I'm really glad we've been able to maintain contact/friendship over the years. She's one of my few girlfriends. I've always been more comfortable with men than women in regards to friendship, but once I got serious with Michael, of my own accord, I parted ways with most of my male friends. And my other closest girlfriend now resides in China. :(

Off to watch reruns of Dark Angel that I Tivo'd earlier today. The SciFi channel was airing episodes today for some reason...
yes...lame.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Enough is never enough

Alyssa bought her first pair of shoes today.

They are a bit big on her. But here they are being worn with mismatched socks.

And here she is taking a look at them.

Happy with them.

Alyssa and her daddy.




I will have an actual update tomorrow. :)

Also, Star Trek was pretty awesome.

That is all.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Thirsty

So, I just purchased BumGenius cloth diapers for Alyssa. I bought the bamboo fitted kind, with some Thirsties diaper covers.

When they are delivered, we shall see how I will make this work!
Here's to cloth diapering!

Michael, Alyssa, and I went to Lesli's 26th birthday party today. As usual, I brought the camera, but did not take any pictures. I need to bring Lesli's present to her this week when it arrives, so I'll get some pictures of the ensuing visit.
Also, surprisingly,Kerrie was there. I haven' spoken to her in years!

It was maybe 5 years ago when someone I decided not to be friends with anymore, was upset with my decision and acted out in some pretty ridiculous ways. It was a strange and dramatic scenario that I chose to walk away from rather than get wrapped up in, and Kerrie had asked me why I had given said former friend the cold shoulder. This had upset me, as any normal human being could see that my former friend was actually a pretty terrible person (not just for acting out against me, but for other reasons that had lead me to the decision to disassociate myself with her in the first place). She was a spoiled child of privilege who compulsively shoplifted, lied, and cheated, among other things. Anyways, this upset me, and I decided that if her behavior was not appalling to K, maybe it would be best if I broke it off with her as well. Well, I had missed Kerrie's and my friendship, and had felt that perhaps I had been too severe, too quick to judge, but I had no way of contacting her. But, there she was. She's happy and doing well, but lives in Maine. I'm really glad I got to catch up with her.

All in all, the party was fun! Right when we got there though, Alyssa pooped UP her back, and all over her dress! It was everywhere, and lo and behold, for the first time in 6 months-- I forgot to bring wipes!!! I used damp toilet paper and a wet burp cloth to clean Alyssa up, poor thing. What else could I do? I already had her undressed and diaper-less when I realized the wipes weren't there. Poor baby. But, she got cleaned!

Tomorrow, Michael and I will be heading to my parents' house- My mother will be watching Alyssa while the gang (reference to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) goes to watch Wolverine.

Afterwards, we will take Alyssa to Marjorie's pool and see how she feels about a pool, for the first time. And I, hopefully, at some point, will get some time to flip through the last 3 Domino magazine issues I haven't been able to read yet.
Domino is no longer in circulation though. As of February. Not sure why...

Okay, off to finish watching my What I Like About You Season 1 Disc 1. I know...I am lame...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Music and pics

Recently, I was reminded of music I once listened to A LOT, but having it played it to death, had moved on and forgotten all about it.

My sophomore year in college, I stumbled upon Mouse on Mars and the Flaming Lips. It was not until the following year though, that I would really appreciate the FL.
I've had "Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell" in my head all day. The song, and the album it's on, can be found here: Myspace Music.


Let's see...I'm still sick. I can't stop hacking. Thankfully, Alyssa has not been sick with Michael and I. We've also had the good fortune not to have developed a fever at any point.

I don't really have much time to post tonight, so here are a few pictures I took documenting the breakdown of tummy-time negotiations:
Don't put me on my tummy!!


What are you doing, mom?


Okay, that's kind of interesting, mom.


Wait, that's right! I'm on my tummy!


Noooo!!!


Now, to bury my head and scream until you pick me up!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Things to Enjoy

Making me happy at the moment:

1.)Different hats to wear:
Anthropologie accessories. Just looking! They're quite expensive.


2.)Someone to Love:



3.)My baby and my hubby.
002


4.)Joel McHale and The Soup!
Joel McHale

Friday, April 17, 2009

Video and a post



I'm sorry I'm not on here more often...
Well, Michael and I finished reading Dean Koontz's Shadowfires. We read that instead of The Once and Future King. Yesterday, we started The Scarlet Letter.

Michael has to close his company down. His underwriter has chosen not to renew their contract to represent him and thus, he cannot keep his company open. There are only a few underwriters left in Florida. A lot of them are pulling out because there have been so many claims. I'm not arguing. I've wanted him out of that industry because he hated it; the downside however, is that his days here with me at home, are limited. (He works from home). The days I spend without him, I feel like going crazy. I have no adults to talk to, without him. And we only have one car, so when he's gone, I'm stuck at home. I'm not brave enough to take a bus yet, with Alyssa. I'd only do it if I absolutely had to...
Anyways, they have given him 30 days, with the warning that they could possibly close him down even earlier, if they decide to. So, essentially, we have maybe 30 more days of income. Oddly enough, I am not panicking...I wonder why not?
I've already volunteered to get a job, but Michael really prefers that we keep Alyssa at home with me instead of daycare if at all possible. We're not against daycare. Like any other parent, we're just hoping we don't have to. I want so badly to spend time with Alyssa, so I hope I am able to continue this...

Let's see...we're going to Portland in August for a wedding.

Oh yes, and Ophelia spend almost 48 hours outside of our house. She managed to slip by us out the front door and we searched high and low for her that night and the following day. We knocked on doors, made signs, and even brought in dogs to help sniff her out of our yard, but we did not find her. I thought she must be dead by then; it was pretty hot and even in the shade, the weather was still enough to make you sweat. And ferrets don't do well in heat. But the second morning she was missing, I opened the door, and there she was! She ran inside, and aside from some scratches and fleas, she was alright. I am soooo happy! I had prayed for some miracle, and there she was. I really don't know how she made it back.

Ok. Off to bed!! Hope you are all doing well.

A pancake with eyes and a mouth that I made for Alyssa. :p


Flight of the Choncords! We went to their show in Miami!


Baby and Daddy!


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Sophie the giraffe

So, Alyssa got her Sophie teether in yesterday.

So far as I can tell, she loves it!
We got it because it is made of pure rubber and chemical free. Even the dye used to color her is food-grade dye.

I got in the replacement cord for our camcorder so hopefully I'll make a movie today!

Off to eat some pancakes that my hubby has made!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Exhale

Well, I have been absent from blogger lately.
I've had good and bad days.

My beloved Allister died of adrenocortical carcinoma cancer.
He was wonderful and I still do love him. We buried him at my parents' house near my family's beloved ferret.





I love him so very much. He was incredibly sweet.

The good news is, that Alyssa continues to blossom and grow. She's been "talking" a lot lately. And she's getting better at using her hands, with every passing day.
Now if only I could get her to do/enjoy tummy time...

We are giving Ophelia, our other ferret to my parents not just because my brother has been asking us to please please giver her to him, since we adopted her, but also because I feel her. I have zero extra time to give her attention, and now especially with her sibling gone, I think she needs more attention and love. We'll still see her a few times a week, and I'll actually be able to enjoy her when we go over there. They love ferrets and my father is home all day, so it works out. Well, the only problem is that She has to stick to the master bedroom and bathroom because my brother's girlfriend's dog also currently (temporarily) resides there, and they do NOT get along.

Anyways, here are some pictures:















I think I'm going to go see my doctor next week. I've been feeling off in so many ways lately, and I'd like to know what's up. Nothing serious, I hope. But then, that's what I always do- worry about the worst possible outcome. :/

That is all. Off to go get ready for bed with my loves! :)

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