Chronicling the ups and downs of my life as a twenty-something always second-guessing herself.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Quick Holiday Update


We're so near! Christmas is almost here! I haven't been to church lately, haven't sent out even one Christmas card, purchased even one gift. To say that I am behind on things this year, would really be an understatement.

Next year, I promise I'll up my game.
At least we did decorate cookies and make homemade hot chocolate according to Martha Stewart's recipe. Yum!!

I am excited for the new year. Every year has the potential to be great, but this year, things are lined up in such a way that I am not just hopeful, but excited even.

What will we be doing on New Years? Not sure yet, but we are definitely hitting the town while grandma watches Alyssa. I'll work out those plans in detail, I guess, this week. Okay. Off to get ready for Lesli to come over for lunch!

A Dilemma

Is it really a dilemma when I have made my decision? It's only every now and then that I wonder if I shouldn't reconsider. Then I snap back into reality and realize that my initial answer is the correct one.

An incomplete decision? Not really, I guess. It's there always on my mind...the other option isn't. So the feeling that is overwhelmingly present in my heart/mind is the one I should go with, right? Hmmmm...

It's not often that my heart and my mind are on the same page, but I can say in this case, that they actually are.

Sort of.

This didn't help at all, did it?

Alyssa and Daddy Disney

One thing is certain-- Alyssa is my favorite person to be around. She is just amazing. She is my world.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Men I Love

I have had a long-standing celebrity crush on Christian Bale.
He had me at Huey Lewis and the News.
I usually don't like gory movies, but his performance made me put that aside. 3:10 to Yuma? For realsies. He is still my favorite.

Next up, Jeff Bridges.
Yes, he's old. His is not a legitimate crush like the one I have for the man above. He's magnificent and I respect him. He's what I imagine a man should age like.
Here's to you, Mr. Bridges.


Honorable mention goes to James Franco and Mark Ruffalo whose eccentricity and intelligence never fail to keep my adoration engaged.
Okay, I have to get back to Christmas Cupid. Yeah, you read that correctly. Shut it.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

This weekend...

Our mantra was: Get fat and be lazy.

Seriously. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were spent eating not just one or two or even three cookies at a time, but as many as I could put down before getting nauseous. We had ribs on Friday, Philly cheese-steak and mac n' cheese on Saturday, and pizza today. I had alcohol, midnight grilled cheeses, popcorn, french fries, and gluten-free donuts.

And how much did I run on these three days? Not even two feet. I didn't even pretend to struggle over whether or not to run. I just woke up and indulged in playing with Alyssa and munching on comfort food.

How much progress did I make in preparation for the week? (Grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, cooking?) Nothing. Not a thing got done. I didn't even tidy our place up. At one point, Michael made the suggestion that he put things in a bit of order, but I talked him out of it.

So, all week I'll be scrambling to make up for lost time.

Thanks a lot, Megan. Thanks a whole lot.

Really, we were layabouts. My motivation was partially hormonal, and partially emotional. Tomorrow, I pick myself up again by my bootstraps, and put my lackadaisical self back on track.

With that out of the way, I can celebrate- I finally saw The Deathly Hallows Part I!!! I love the Harry Potter cinematic series. Admittedly, I cannot count myself among the literary fans, as I have only read one book- the last one, which I did enjoy immensely.

Off to be lazy for the remaining time I am allowing myself to be...maybe with some ice cream?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Coming Full Circle Brings Us Back to Square One

Dear Diary,

We're right back where we started.

No, thanks.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What Makes You Happy.

If you were to ask yourself, what made you happy today, what would it be?...

Here's my list:
Sleeping in till 8 with my family.
Seeing Alyssa and her cousin get along, even if only momentarily.
Eating chocolate chip cookies AND rice and beans in the same day. Two favorites.Yummy!!
Being able to run.
Seeing Alyssa and Cameron happy to play outside in this unusually nice weather.
Being able to hear the things that my sweet little baby says. She's 2 going on 20 sometimes? God, I just love her.
Music. Always always and forever.
Reading a bit of The Count of Monte Cristo.
Watching Running Wilde and Arrested Development with my husband.
Seeing my family.
The weather.



Sunday, November 28, 2010

Turkey Day in Recap

Thanksgiving this year was an amazingly great one.
Right, maybe it feels like I'm saying that just to put on a show of a fun and carefree life? Well, it's not. My life, I mean.
Not that it's not great, but it's no Target commercial.
That's why I have to brag about the days that come around every so often when I have really enjoyed myself from beginning to end. And my daughter was content with the whole day, which also constituted a big part of my satisfaction/happiness.

I think I took 1 picture of the event and spent the rest of the time relaxing, playing with Alyssa, playing Dance Central (a few times with Aly, too!), and talking easily with my husband and family. It was a rare day of doing only fun or relaxing things.

Michael and I are lucky. We really are. I know there may be a deeper or perhaps more artful way of saying this but, we're lucky not to be desperately poor, chronically or fatally sick; we are relatively well-educated, and content in the knowledge that we have people that love us and have our best interests at heart (no matter if sometimes their methods are entirely wrong, hah). We're not alone in this world, and we've got a pretty solid foundation right now. Our looks notwithstanding (I think we'd both agree though that they could be worse), we're very happy with what we've got.

Thanksgiving being done with, it is time to move forward with the fun stuff-- twinkling lights, songs that make me happy...and hopefully a few days of colder weather! And some good old fashioned American decadence...on a Bud Light budget. Scratch that-- make it a Natural Ice budget! (Amy Sedaris might be of some assistance in this department. Everyone might be getting googly-eyed peanuts for Christmas).

Okay, I'm off to read about Tony and Eva's split.


Monday, November 22, 2010


Two big dates: December 13th and January 4th.
The first is the day that I will be at the dentist's office for no less than 3 hours getting everything that I need done, in one fell swoop. It is also the day that Michael will begin school.
The second is the date that I start school. Sweeeet. I have to do well if I want any chance of getting into the grad program. For now, it's just the prerequisites, but there's quite a list of them! 27 credit hours, actually. Today, finally, I received confirmation that everything has gone through.

That having been said, I have to get the apartment picked up-- someone interested in purchasing it, will be stopping by tomorrow afternoon and it needs to be presentable.

Holiday in Handcuffs is on (why do I like that movie so much??!), a cheesecake pumpkin pie is in the oven, and my baby is finally asleep (as of 10 o'clock!). Time to get ready for tomorrow...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


I began running when I was 13 years old.
My brother convinced my parents that it would improve my basketball-playing skills if I joined other sports. Cross country, he suggested, would increase my stamina, and keep me in shape off season.

I was annoyed, but relented. I wasn't much of a fighter, and I figured it would take less energy from me to just join this team, than it would to try to fight with my brother and father for the next four years over what a mistake I had made in not following their advice. I wasn't in love with basketball anyways; it was unlikely that I would hate this sport any more than I hated that one, right?

As someone who to this day remains a bit socially awkward, I was surprised to see how well got along with my fellow runners. That made me happy immediately. Formerly a loner, I felt like I might have company.
Who constituted the group of people I would spend the next four years with?
Well, there were two types of people that were on my high school cross country team: 1) Athletes that were there to condition themselves for some other sport they preferred and 2.) People (athletic or not) that desired the opportunity to get into shape while avoiding physical contact with other people. No one initially joined the team because they had any kind of passion for running.

But...many of us converted.

I have to admit it-- I couldn't run 1 mile the first day, but I decided right off the bat that I was in love with this sport and that I would climb my way to the top.
My stubby little legs (I'm maybe 5 foot 2) were not built for distance running, but I decided that I would prevail. Most of the people that I really got along with were the actual runners; those that had joined for some other reason, but that stayed and excelled because they fell in love with running for hours on end.

I was training with the varsity team by my sophomore year (not racing varsity yet, but training). I had made it up to the group of neurotics and over-achievers that I felt comfortable with (even if I was not really an over achiever, myself).
If you're curious, I ran varsity my junior and senior year. I would never be amazing at running, but I held my own.

I still remember my runs with a team:
We would warm up with one mile in the park, stretch, and then hit the road.
Once on the run, we would all talk and sing in unison, clap in unison, and laugh about funny incidents that we could relate to one another. And then around the fourth mile, the chatter would die down, we would all settle into the run, and peace and quiet would reign over the last few miles. This was the golden hour, and probably my favorite time of the run: Our need to socialize spent, we could easily settle into a silent reverie. Once there, my mind would be blank. Only audible was the easy breathing of my fellow runners, the sound of about 40 sneakers lightly padding the pavement in stride, and the steady stream of cars whirring past us.

Once I left for college, I had to settle for running in a gym by myself. Literally non of my friends from cross country went to UF, and only one other friend of mine from high school went there at all. So, no runners there.
Beyond college, I have continued to run in a gym or on my treadmill at home; it's been soul-less and not nearly as fun. I had given it up during pregnancy and for some time thereafter, but have picked it back up again with a vengeance.

Darn the gym! I am getting used to it, but it's still not the same.


Saturday, October 30, 2010

Not Hopeless

Tom Petty was runnin' down a dream. American Idols and Next Top Models are chasing one of their own.
Novelists, poets, and filmmakers have tackled the theme of ordinary people struggling to fulfill a dream that will either go realized, or remain a dream for the remainder of their life.

Lately, I have been making a dedicated effort to arrive at mine.
It doesn't involve me becoming a huge success (although that would be a bonus); but it does end with me spending the rest of my days doing something that I really enjoy. Actually, my dream is a combination of things; an amalgam that reflects the mixture of qualities in my character.

I wonder how people decide on a dream. I know how I arrived at mine finally, at the ripe age of 27. i often wonder if that's a bad sign- will I not be any good at what I want to do? Most successful people that I'm aware of, seem to have known what they have wanted to do for a large part of their life.

But this brings me to my question: What is your dream, and how did you decide on it? I wish i could ask this of some of the greats and not-yet-so-greats.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I grew up really really very sheltered. Being a dork came naturally enough for me, so my parents' commitment to removing popular culture from my everyday life only served to further draw attention to the kid that might as well have already had a club foot or something.

And then I went off to college...and among other things I had not encountered within my controlled and sheltered life, was cable television. What wonderful, mind-numbing-but-scintiallating entertainment I had been missing out on! As a child, weekdays had belonged to 60 Minutes, National Geographic, and Jeopardy, while weekends allowed for some lighter fare- Looney Toons, Spiderman, Batman, and X-Men; or, as I got older, morning news. And now, the possibilities!

In the beginning, I tried to keep things high brow; I was after all, trying to prove my medal as a psuedo-intellectual student that was more interested in Sartre than in The Real World...but after some light experimentation things quickly spiraled out of control and I found myself watching Laguna Beach and Disney Channel movies. Yeah, embarrassing; blame it on my upbringing. I missed out on a lot of mental "junk food" and I was greedily taking in whatever was easiest to ingest after spending hours fumbling through things that made my head hurt in a way that nothing else had before: numerous scientific abstracts about research done on married couples, divorced couples, single people, and statistical data on household demographics in City X, Y, or Z. Derrida, Joyce, Chomsky. I was in over my head...
With more of a workload than I had ever been used to, I was all-too glad to escape from it through that lovely little glass screen perched on my dresser.

I'm still a bit of a rookie when it comes to navigating through the array of options I have out there, but I have at least come across some good stuff I feel I should share.

American Dad, for one, is great. And in my opinion, it's far better than its more popular McFarlen creation, Family Guy. I watch some pretty lame stuff that I don't want to admit to here, but we'll say that one involves a team of gymnasts. Yeah...preeeetty lame...

So, let's stick with the animated stuff:

The Venture Brothers. Brilliant. It makes me want an arch-nemesis to call my own. One that dresses as something ridiculous (like the Monarch in Dr. Venture's case); maybe a dust mite? I would find that one an appropriate nemesis...I have some wicked allergies, after all.

American Dad. Irreverent, funny.

Archer. Ridiculous.

Max and Ruby. Haha. Well, it's the only one of Alyssa's shows that I don't zone out to, besides Sesame Street. Actually, pretty enjoyable, if not so slow paced.

Ok, so I've written nothing of substance yet again. I'm calling it a night. I'll try to post a Day-In-the-Life-Of post on Wednesday.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Sleepless Nights, Quotidian Days

Alyssa's sleeping habits have been a bit erratic the past few weeks. I won't weigh you down with the details, but definitely, it was not an easy two week period. Today, she took a three hour nap. Weird! She's approaching her second birthday and I'm hoping that this has been a blip caused by a growth spurt; this perhaps was our welcome into her second year of life- official entrance into toddler-hood.

Otherwise, life has been fairly routine. I'm not complaining, though.
The holidays are quickly approaching which makes me supremely happy.
Silk has released their Pumpkin spiced soymilk and nog-flavored soymilk.
This time of the year has always been my favorite.

This weekend was a wash in regards to doing much outside of chores, but I got to spend time with my baby and husband, I'm really really happy.

ok. Off to get ready for tomorrow!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

I changed my mind.

Last night, I wrote a few thoughts down on love.
I saved it as a draft and deleted it this morning.

It was dull. I'll tell you all about it later.

I'm watching a Tivo'd episode of Archer. I love this show. And I love that they have the parents from Arrested Development on it...overall, it's pretty entertaining.

I want to type more, but I cannot currently use my left arm/hand. I got my ass kicked at the gym tonight and that arm is spent. I did however, treat myself to cuban food and flan as a reward. Yummy!

This weekend, we'll go to the beach again...
Alyssa and me at the beach

We'll do a crap load of laundry.
And of course, we'll go do something fun for Aly-- maybe a festival or Flamingo Gardens...have to see what's going on.

Night night!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

One for the money, two for the show...

This weekend:

And a movie I'd like to see:

Because a love story without a little heartbreak just isn't that interesting, is it?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Monday, October 4, 2010

My Food Blog

The weight gain. The unhealthy way that I eat.
I am as heavy now as I was when I was first pregnant with Alyssa. It's crazy. My jeans barely fit me.
I've been meaning to rework my unhealthy lifestyle to incorporate better diet decisions, more exercise, and more time to take care of myself.

Tomorrow, I will embark on a journey to better myself. I am making the commitment here, to myself, in writing.

30 days of documenting what I eat. Afterward, I will be able to step back and take in with just enough horror, what I have consumed. Maybe having to disclose my eating habits to the world wide web will make me want to eat better.

So tomorrow, my pretties. Tomorrow marks day 1.

It will also mark day 1 of my journey to completing something in my dream book: Being able to run 6 miles painlessly, again.

Weight Gain. Oh my!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

My dearest Albert...

I adore a good period piece. And so I am watching The Young Victoria.
The cinematography. Oh. The cinematography. The fabrics used in their clothing, the colors, the decadence of their lifestyle, and the innocent and inexperienced feelings of love between Albert and Victoria.

I have had my husband any members of my family tell me I am jaded. And so I guess in so many ways, I am. So it's nice to see love like that again. In real life, i roll my eyes at that, but in movies and novels, these feelings are usually presented in a way that doesn't make me want to vomit. It's usually pretty sweet. Young love really gives itself completely over. Just hands its heart over on a platter. And in the movies, that can work out pretty well. In real life...I don't know. I guess it worked out for Victoria and Albert.

Yesterday, my sweet baby, Michael, and I spent the day mostly indoors playing with her train set and healing from our latest illness. We get sick so frequently these days...we must not be washing our hands frequently enough.??

We walked her to the park and played until the mosquitos and the daylight permitted us to. And then we all hobbled home to try to recover from our attempt at being more active.

Today, Michael was doing worse so Alyssa, my mother, father, and I went to the beach.
She had a blast, and passed out as soon as we got home.

And now we are waiting for her to wake up so we can go to Publix.

So goodbye for now, blogger. Off to relax and upload pictures so that I can post them later on.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

I don't want to share.

Alyssa's blossoming toddler personality has brought tears of joy to my eyes. She's silly and fun, and always wants to make me experience her happiness with her. "C'mon, mommy," she'll say, beckoning me to her with her tiny hand, as she has seen me do when I ask her to come to me.
She is the loveliest person I have ever met.

That being said, I have to tell you, that my daughter will also not think twice about using her sweet voice to refuse compliance with some necessary task. She'll also use those very same tiny hands mentioned above, to push you away from her if she's not in the mood to receive affection. She'll push you out of her way if she needs to get by you;she'll run away and hide when you tell her that it is time for a diaper change. And she'll laugh at you and pull away when you're in a parking lot and insist that one must always hold hands in parking lots, in the name of safety.
Oh, and if she has something you want, she will usually hand it over only after smiling, holding it out, and then pulling it back in close to her before you can get to it.

And the most recent addition to her repertoir of impolite toddler behaviors, is declaring everything as belonging to her. Mainly, when it comes to her cousin, but I have also witnessed this being used on my friend's daughter, as I'm sure it will be on any child who might in the future show a liking for me. But being that we don't have too many friends with kids, this is mostly being directed at her cousin, Cameron. "My daddy," she'll tell him. "Nooo. My mommy." "Myyyyy toy." "My car! My car!" And today, as he crawled towards her to say hello, "Nooo. My Alyssa!" And she hugged herself as she ran away from him.

Oh, my sweet little girl. I will love you until the end of time, and even after that.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The best laid plans...

My plans for technical advancement have been thwarted. For the moment, at least.

I am waiting on paystubs from Michael's work. Hopefully the copies will be sent via the payroll company in time for me to enroll in this freaking program. I really really would like for this to actually come to fruition.

Solving your basic technical problems, is my passion. Ha. But seriously. Happen. Please. Technical writing, here I come...

I have to go. So soon! So late. Not much of an update, I know.
Tomorrow pictures and stuff. It will delight.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Another weekend Bites the Dust

Labor Day weekend. From my last post, you could tell that I was anxious to enjoy a weekend...
I've been sick in bed for the past two days. My head has felt like it was both full of gunk and throbbing with pressure in the front half of my skull. Geeeeez.

Thankfully, Michael has taken Alyssa into his care for these past couple of days because I have been utterly miserable. Plans with friends and family were cancelled, and one on one time with my daughter was put off. I am really really hoping that tomorrow will find me feeling significantly better.

And then perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, I can start being physical again on Tuesday when I am done with my antibiotics and with this cold. I've felt so yucky just loafing around for so long. It's not a party if it happens everyday, you know? At least so says The Postal Service. And I agree.

Oh, my baby is back.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


Call me what you will, but I have created and filled in a Dream Book.
Not REM-sleep dreaming; I'm talking about immediate and long-term things that I dream of actually happening. It ranges from reasonably obtainable (i.e. purchase health insurance), to the highly unlikely (i.e. become a frequently published and widely-read author of fiction), and some things in between.

I have started working on the first two this week; and I will continue to work on them, one by one!

I am still sick, but I'm getting back on my feet. This upper respiratory infection kicked my ass. I have three more days of Cipro, and I think Alyssa and I have caught something else. Probably because neither of us have been sleeping much. I won't get into that...
Anyways, being sick has made me skip the gym and find eating two dinners everyday to be all too necessary; thus, my pants don't fit me anymore. No joke. I've gone up a dress size in the past two weeks! WTF?! I still have another fours days of double dinners and no exercise. And in the meantime, I have to wear gym shorts and dresses.

Due to having lost my license, I could not register for classes at Broward College until the classes I needed were full.

Soooo I decided to go to PBCC-- but I needed a transcript mailed to me because I have never attended that institution...and that took time. When the transcript arrived, I could not sign up because we were broke.

By the time Mike received his next paycheck, all of the PBCC classes I needed were full. Damnit! And so that goal will have to wait, but the tuition money and the transcript have been set aside. They are ready and waiting for the next semester, although I am going to pay a visit to BC to see if I can possibly nab a seat that gets dropped by someone. That would rock.

I had been hemming and hawing about going back to work because I was hoping to start school in January, but the plan I have worked out for accomplishing said dreams, has pushed that back another year; meaning, I will actually put effort into finding employment. Perhaps this time in 2011, I will be happily checking off my grad school dream. One can only hope... I think it's kind of funny that I so desperately want a degree that will earn me nothing unless with a lot of luck, I make something of my writing. Who knows? Maybe I will. :) And if not, at least I will have my student-loan debt to keep me warm. Ha. I love school. I really really do.

Lastly, I should mention that tomorrow is Friday and that I am super-stoked about the weekend, since the last two I was just managing to drag mysget self about town. This time, I get to enjoy my time with my family! I love my little girl! My amazing little girl.

Friday, August 13, 2010

La La Love You

James Franco e Seth Rogen - Freaks & Geeks

I love this show. Too bad it's taken me so long to give it a chance.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


I'll be fine.

I hope everyone else will be. Especially my sweet, sensitive little daughter.

Listening to Katie Herzig. I really really like her music and her voice.

I'll be turning her off though to enjoy an episode of Venture Brothers.

Oh, and I finally hunted down that song that I've had in my head, but could not remember who sang it or what it was called. It is: Le Tigre- Keep on Livin'.

So there! :)

Friday, August 6, 2010

Think Pooh. Think.

We are moving on with our lives.

Michael is moving on with his career.
And I am trying to start one.
Alyssa is growing into a more beautiful person every day.
My brother and my father are putting in bids for their dream.
My mother's rheumatoid arthritis is in remission.

I have to make a decision about what I am going to do with myself, with my family:
To go back to work or to continue enjoying this time with my daughter, especially since starting in March, I will be seeing her a lot less.

Actually, regardless of my decision at the moment, in March I will have to go back to work. But March is another 7 months away. So, I have to decide this weekend what I'll do during the interim.

On the menu for tomorrow:
PetCo for aquarium care questions.
Keira's 8th birthday
Back to the gym- haven't been in 5 days. I've run 1 of these days that I've been away. Sheesh.Cooking chicken soup and skillet cornbread.

Have to go.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The newest one

This weekend will bring:

The talk I've been dreading...
The night out I've been wanting...
Time with my Alyssa at the beach and the park.

We took her to Flamingo Gardens last weekend and she was just as excited as the first time we took her there last month. The peacocks running around really do it for her, I think. And since this place has a "Coastal Birds" exhibit with pelicans, seagulls, ducks, and other usually non-aggressive birds, we are free to walk among them which also excites her, I think. I'm always on the lookout for bird poop of these times I know there's going to be a near-hit somewhere on me.

My brother, Marjorie, and I took Canela (Marjorie's dog), Cameron, and Alyssa to the beach today. It was a private beach area by a bay where some of the other residents were scouting out the area for lobsters because apparently lobster-hunting season begins tomorrow. I just can't get into boiling something alive, so I stay away from lobster. Except to show them to Alyssa at the supermarket because she flips out to see them. It's a stop we MUST make when we go shopping.
She loves animals. LOVES them. She's going to be a lifelong animal-lover, I think.

Must run- must groom myself and eat lunch while I can. Cameron and Alyssa are both asleep!

Monday, July 5, 2010

4th of July 2010

July 4th this year was surprisingly uneventful! We did however, take Alyssa to Miami Metro Zoo for $5 admission day...where she was pretty unimpressed. I've seen her more interested in the mice at PetSupermarket. I think there was too much going on for her. Throngs of people; and I mean throngs of people. It was more densely packed than any time I've ever been to Disney. There was just so much going on there...
We skipped out soon after arriving, to regrettably, eat at a Friday's. Still, this was a better option than the hour long line we would have waited in, for a hot dog at the zoo...their "Oasis Grille" was a small area filled with concession stands selling cheap and greasy food. Miami Metro Zoo was not a pleasurable visit this time!! But I still donated five bucks because I'm glad they're around...

Alyssa, Michael, and I caught up with Kayla and Dylan to watch the fireworks from the comfort of our apartment courtyard-- we had a great view of the display they were putting on at the beach. And while she was afraid of the noise at first, once Alyssa saw the twins, she was happy and asking for more fireworks. I love her. :) And Kayla and Dylan are incredibly sweet kids.

Mike and I bought a fish tank today and we've left it priming overnight. Tomorrow, we will go back and buy our new pet fish!

In other news, we have opted to apply Michael's soon-to-be enacted raise, to health and dental insurance as well as Aly's MyGym membership, instead of the previously-planned car with air conditioning and a stereo. No air in our car in South Florida. It's the story of my life. I had the same issue with the car I had when I was pregnant and so on and so on. Could be worse though.
At least i have a car. I feel bad for those guys waiting at the bus stop, with children no less. Thankfully, Mike's stepdad is going to come down to help us fix it and God-willing, the fix will stick.

Let's see...that's it. Oh, and I'm a lot closer to finally finishing up my requirements to apply to grad school. I am so close to finishing the application that I can taste it...but then it's out of my hands. My crappy GPA will not do me any favors in their selection process. Damn my Freshman year bender/meltdown! I am sick of talking about maybe possibly hopefully going to grad school. I just want to do it, damnit!!

Okay, I'm out.

Oh, and my cousin and her kids are here, as is Heather. Heather!!! Can you believe it? Heather is back fro China for a little bit! But then, my dear friend will be heading back.

Oh, and my pulled quads are healing. I am able to bend down and left myself back up again without pain.

Okay, going to get ready for bed.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Que sera del amor eterno?

My little one has jumped quickly into toddlerhood.
She is incredible and sweet and terribly bright and surprisingly opinionated. She continues to amaze me.

We're all doing pretty well. I'm still grateful for what I've got, for what I've had, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the future. Why, you may ask? Is my life perfect? Not even close! Not even close to one of those happy Target commercials, ha, but still, it's surprisingly awesome. But in regards to why the near-ish future is a topic of interest for me lately: For the past year and a half, I have shelved things that I wanted to do for myself, in order to put my all into Alyssa's first years of life. I don't regret it and I am satisfied with the amount of effort I have put into parenting.
But now I think, it is okay for me to throw myself a few things here and there. Exciting! :) I just have to put on a brave face. But I really am excited!!

Okay, last thing:

I still like CAKE. Oooooh Yeah. He's going for speed...

Friday, July 2, 2010

Be Courageous, Megan.

A Very Short Song
by Dorothy Parker

Once, when I was young and true,
Someone left me sad-
Broke my brittle heart in two;
And that is very bad.

Love is for unlucky folk,
Love is but a curse.
Once there was a heart I broke;
And that, I think, is worse.

Friday, June 25, 2010

"...because you're never going to make it as a singer."

Elvis. I need to add some Elvis to my record collection. I use the word "collection" very loosely because I only recently purchased a record player and as such, have only made one trip to one record store. Maybe some Elvis, some Madonna, and some Sufjan to start off with...

You know, until recently, I had no idea that Elvis was actually told on more than one occasion that he couldn't sing, wouldn't make it as a singer. I'm glad he stuck with it.
I'm glad I'll stick with writing. It's what I want to do, and it's what I'm going to do.
Thank you Elvis, Michael Jordan, Dr. Seuss, Barbara Streisand...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

But Riiiiicky!...

I am so bad at life sometimes.
So, i signed up for a summer kickball league and have already hurt myself. The very first practice we had a couple of weeks ago, I pulled my quads. Yes, both. Since then, I've been stretching and stretching and stretching and stretching...aaaaand stretching them...and tonight when I had to sprint, I pulled them again. Both. Again. I am so ridiculously out of shape and walking everyday apparently isn't doing much to remedy that.

Tomorrow, I change that. I can't stand being this out of shape. I can't get through a handful of sprints for pete's sake!!!!

Everyone on the team thus far has been nice. This isn't for me though. I doubt I'll do this again. :p But maybe I'll keep the friends I'll make. Anyways, other news: nada. lol This is it. Back into the bath with epsom salts!

Sunday, June 20, 2010


This weekend was a sorely needed break. I was sick on Friday and Saturday and as such, did not take care of much outside of feeding and clothing myself and Alyssa. Well, I did manage to take her to the pool, with the assistance of course, of three other people. I was really beat. Today is the first day that I feel somewhat well, and have taken this day to try to catch up on the mountain of laundry and mess that I have been putting off since I first started feeling gross, this past Wednesday.

Aly is amazing, as usual. She brightens my life everyday. She is exhausting and I'm pretty sure we're entering the terrible two's now that she's 19 months, but she really is the light of my life.

Okay, so that's all for now. Back to cleaning!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The 27th Year

So, after hauling ass to make it to my kickball game, I couldn't freaking find the right field to go to. Les called me back when I was already halfway home. Boo.

I really don't want to drive up to Orlando with Les; I want to keep her company and all, but the weekend is the only sort of slow-paced time in the week that I look forward to and driving to and from in one day sounds like a yucky idea. On the other hand, I know driving up there alone would suck...I haven't made up my mind yet...

I am ready for my 27th year in life. I really really am. Bring it on! I think I am stronger than I was even one year ago. I think I know myself better too; what I like and don't like. It's all getting easier to tell apart and it's also getting easier to admit to, haha.

I heard this song yesterday...lovely. Don't know how the rest of the artist's music measures up, but I like this one.

Anyways, I am really thankful for what I have in my life now, and for who I have become and who I continue to become because for the most part, I'm happy about it.
There are some things that I want to deal with, to change, but for the most part, I'm happy. Pretty happy, you know?

I can't wait to get my dental work done...weird, huh? It's just, it's been years that I've needed to get this done...

Okay, off to get ready for bed, shower, teeth, etc.


And now one more...I love Vampire Weekend. I really do. Must purchase Contra on vinyl. Now I can say that. :) Now that I have a Pro-Ject turntable sitting in our living room. Yaay!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Did I disappoint?

*Reading Dr. Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" for general knowledge as well as help with Alyssa's separation anxieties. My poor, sweet, sensitive baba ghanoush.

*Tonmorrow is vet day for the cats.

*Friday is vaccine day for Alyssa.

*Saturday I will be driving up to Orlando and back down, to keep a friend company while Alyssa takes in the Butterfly Garden.

*Tomorrow is my first kickball game!

*Yoga on Thursday.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Night Night

I remember why I hate going out to any typical bar in South Florida.
I love getting out and dancing to good music and I enjoy having a drink and talking with good friends. But in my opinion, a typical bar in South Florida doesn't allow me to do either one of these things. They're usually not set up for dancing, and they're usually playing loud, mediocre music so that one can neither converse very well, nor enjoy dancing. I don't know Miami very well, but for my birthday, I'd like to maybe get out and dance. I want to either go to a goth nightclub because I typically like the music they play, or someplace that plays "hipster" music because this is the stuff I also enjoy trying to dance to even though I never think I look like I fit in with the clientele. I'm too dorky, and not in a quirky, cute-sy kind of way.

Whatever. Just would like to dance on my birthday to something other than Lady Gaga or that freaking "tonight's gonna be a good good night" song...oh my gosh or that "beautiful girls all over the world..." song. I must have heard that lastone at least 5 times last night. Yuck.

I have no idea where to go since I don't get out much anymore. I'll have to ask my sister-in-law since she lives in Miami and may know what's up. SET's website made it look ridiculously shiny, which leads me to believe that this one is not for me. Maybe Pawn or Revolver? Maybe I won't be able to get out on my birthday, anyway? This would all be moot if that's the case...

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Lately, I have been focusing on trying to breathe new life into my ragamuffin soul.
I have been burning the candle at both ends though, so to speak, because I have been working on the present and on progressing forward with my life, AND on trying to clean up the mess Michael and I have been making over the past few years.

I have been making pretty big strides in the cleaning up process and anticipate being done with it once and for all, some time within the next 2 months.

As for the other stuff, I have been trying to get out every so often to see friends and make new ones. I joined a kickball team with my friend, Lesli, and have officially started exercising a little bit every day (weekdays, not weekends!), and have been eating better/feeding my family better food.

Unfortunately, between a few big projects, socializing, and mothering, pretty much every waking moment of mine is already well-spent, leaving no room for my writing the sample of fiction that I need to submit as part of my application to FIU.
::sigh:: I figure, once I hit a stride with my daily routine, I'll squeeze time in for that, too, but for now, I'm still trying to incorporate the new aspects of my life that I'd like to solidify.

Let's see...I will finally be purchasing health insurance; that's definitely something I've been excited about.

Lastly, I have been looking at graduate schools in the's just a dream. Who would look after Alyssa if I moved that far away from my family. They are always available at a moment's notice to look after Alyssa if Michael and I need that favor. And if and when I actually do this graduate school thing, I'll definitely be calling in some favors so that I can get some homework done.

Tomorrow, Mike, my brother, and I are going to a "cops and robbers" party. Cliche, I know, but I'll be glad to just get out for a bit with some friends to dance and converse with. I wanted to be Bonnie and Clyde with Michael, but now I'm not sure if he's going. I was wishing someone would go as Magnum P.I. I really freaking love Magnum. He's a PI, not a cop, but close enough?

Finally, I have to report that I have so many new picture to post, but can't do so yet because I have lost my camera cord...again. I'm usually pretty on top of my stuff, but my phone and camera cord are always forgotten. Ugh.


Thursday, May 27, 2010


Suffice it to say that life has been ridiculously busy. And I am really happy with what's going on!
I thoroughly enjoy staying home with Alyssa and her cousin, Cameron, as exhausting as it is. I'm applying to the Creative Writing graduate program at FIU and God-willing, they will accept me.

It's a funny thing: I have made it a mission of mine in my adult life to be absolutely true to who I am. So many years have been wasted on trying to be someone I would like to be, before I realized that said person's existence was not a happy one.
And why would it have been a happy existence? Some characteristics reflected who I really am, and others were just contrived or repressed.
Sometime around my 25th birthday, I decided that as I age, I am more aware of myself and what I like and don't like, and that I always fair better in life when I remain honest.
However, I never applied this to my selection of an occupation to pursue.
Through a happy combination of selective low-self-esteem and growing up relatively poor, I sought ought a job that would label me a "professional;" one also that did not require me to create, only to analyze. But I talked myself out of each potential profession, with the exception of speech-pathology which I still think I would actually be happy with. So, having gotten nowhere with these other routes, I decided to go for what I actually want to do- write. (Note that I did not say "write well"). And it only now occurs to me: this is the best path for me to explore. And why not? Being honest with myself and with the world has thus far only given me happiness, so I am hoping that applied to this situation, the results will be similarly satisfying.

I'm exhausted. going to bed in a few minutes.

Goodnight all.