Chronicling the ups and downs of my life as a twenty-something always second-guessing herself.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Headache

This migraine might very well keep me out of commission for more than a day. I very rarely get one like this. Just awful.
New book to begin reading, because I like to pretend that I will have time to do anything other than study:
A confederacy of dunces.
Yep.

I have to get off my phone. Migraine...stabbing my eyelid...Gah!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Embarrassing

It's embarrassing how much I look forward to (sort of) watching the ABC Family Channel's installment of made-for-tv holiday movies during their "25 days of Christmas" promotion.

I don't really get to watch them, as I can't sit and enjoy them, even after Aly has gone to sleep for the night, but I love having them on in the background and checking in every now and then to see some cheesy, predictable story-line movie action. Mainly because it's holiday-related.
Included in these gems, are Snow and Snow 2, Snowglobe, and The Dog that Saved Christmas.

LOL Michael makes sooooo much fun of me...and I have to admit that I deserve the mocking. But I thoroughly enjoy myself, and I plan on seeing ABC Family through this holiday programming series.
I told Michael he was mistaken if he thought he'd married someone with any bit of hip-ness in them. He says he knows he didn't...

Picture update later! I made a video but have not had time to post it! Maybe I can get that up here later, too...

Monday, November 9, 2009

A space for a face and other good stuff

Deadlines.
I have deadlines I have to meet.
I am setting them up today, because in a world of no deadlines, I could carry on forever with good intentions and nothing to show for them. That's the just the way I am.
I need lists, target dates for completion, commitment, reminders to put myself out there for possible rejection, and all these things I think I would otherwise love doing without. Well, not the lists. I love lists.

I am going to regain a sense of self again. It's not been lost completely, just buried; pushed to the back of a mental basement to make room for newly acquired roles that I have been busying myself with. But I'm not going to do anything until January.

For now, I'll relax, soak in the happiness of the holidays, and enjoy that sense of excitement and anticipation that comes with the knowledge of an impending project.

A note on marriage and a sense of independence:
How does one reconcile the desire to both be actively engaged in a fulfilling partnership, and continue to have a life outside of it for oneself?
It seems easy enough. Go out with your girlfriends every once in a while, come back home, and resume where you left off the night before.
And yet, I feel this is a tricky balance.
You have to be careful not to want to recapture a time that seemed simpler and more exciting in so many ways: one's youth. I was thinking about this because I'll admit, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be single again. Not because I don't love Michael or because I want to see anyone else; I guess it's a silly sense of freedom, a sense of mystery and possibility that might be available to you.

But I know deep down, that this is just a curiosity, because I always come crawling back to my current life. It really is much nicer. Much much nicer.

Nostalgia has a way of making things more pleasant, I think, than they actually were.
And nostalgia, it will remain.
That is how I have chosen to enjoy those "simpler" times. Times when I was waiting around for someone or something to shake up my life, to chase whatever path it lead me down; it was a new adventure, something new to discover. (And anyways, I believe you can't ever really 'get back to where you once were.' That would require a mental and emotional wipe, ala Eternal Sunshine or something).

This life will provide me with just as many if not more possibilities for adventure; I just have to be open to them, and willing to work for results. And I get the sense that this will be more satisfying than anything I would have done with my youth.
And so it is that I welcome this next chapter in my life with open arms.

And on that note, I leave you to enjoy your day. :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Three is better than two

Hi!
We surprised my mom in the middle of her workout and Alyssa pointed out some things...

...and some more over here, she says.

Michael showing Alyssa a squirrel at the park.


Swinging. She did have socks and shoes on, but peeled them off, as she usually does.

My sweet potato.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Always and forever.

I will always love you, Alyssa. Always. No matter the distance, no matter what we've done or said to each other, no matter where we are in our lives. I will always love you.

she is sweet. My little girl will be turning 1 on November 4th. ONE!!! I know just about every parent I know says this, but really, I can hardly believe it. The time has really, truly flown by.
Blink and she's going to be 15, then 18, then leaving me to forge a life of her very own, at which point, I'll probably cry.

I got a 30-minute break tonight from baby watch, so I must head back upstairs to my little one.
Most of my 30 minutes was spent loading the pictures off my camera onto the computer, and then uploading them onto flickr. I have so much more to write, to say, to give pictures of, but alas, I'll have to wait for another day to let you in on it.

Goodnight! :)

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