Chronicling the ups and downs of my life as a twenty-something always second-guessing herself.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Ridiculous

Suffice it to say that life has been ridiculously busy. And I am really happy with what's going on!
I thoroughly enjoy staying home with Alyssa and her cousin, Cameron, as exhausting as it is. I'm applying to the Creative Writing graduate program at FIU and God-willing, they will accept me.

It's a funny thing: I have made it a mission of mine in my adult life to be absolutely true to who I am. So many years have been wasted on trying to be someone I would like to be, before I realized that said person's existence was not a happy one.
And why would it have been a happy existence? Some characteristics reflected who I really am, and others were just contrived or repressed.
Sometime around my 25th birthday, I decided that as I age, I am more aware of myself and what I like and don't like, and that I always fair better in life when I remain honest.
However, I never applied this to my selection of an occupation to pursue.
Through a happy combination of selective low-self-esteem and growing up relatively poor, I sought ought a job that would label me a "professional;" one also that did not require me to create, only to analyze. But I talked myself out of each potential profession, with the exception of speech-pathology which I still think I would actually be happy with. So, having gotten nowhere with these other routes, I decided to go for what I actually want to do- write. (Note that I did not say "write well"). And it only now occurs to me: this is the best path for me to explore. And why not? Being honest with myself and with the world has thus far only given me happiness, so I am hoping that applied to this situation, the results will be similarly satisfying.

I'm exhausted. going to bed in a few minutes.

Goodnight all.

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