Three is better than two

Hi!

We surprised my mom in the middle of her workout and Alyssa pointed out some things...

...and some more over here, she says.

Michael showing Alyssa a squirrel at the park.

Swinging. She did have socks and shoes on, but peeled them off, as she usually does.

My sweet potato.

Always and forever.

I will always love you, Alyssa. Always. No matter the distance, no matter what we've done or said to each other, no matter where we are in our lives. I will always love you.

she is sweet. My little girl will be turning 1 on November 4th. ONE!!! I know just about every parent I know says this, but really, I can hardly believe it. The time has really, truly flown by.
Blink and she's going to be 15, then 18, then leaving me to forge a life of her very own, at which point, I'll probably cry.

I got a 30-minute break tonight from baby watch, so I must head back upstairs to my little one.
Most of my 30 minutes was spent loading the pictures off my camera onto the computer, and then uploading them onto flickr. I have so much more to write, to say, to give pictures of, but alas, I'll have to wait for another day to let you in on it.

Goodnight! :)

Exploring Fear

In regards to some things, it's so much easier to live in fear.
I live in fear of so much. I have always wanted to be a strong person and when I can, I am.
When I have no other choice, I am. But when there's a choice, it's so much more difficult.

What is the source of my fear? I think it's reasonable to say that there is more than one source, because my fears run the gamut. So, where to begin?

Part of the problem with living in fear, is also the dishonesty. Not malicious, deliberately sneaking lies, but the desire for what is untrue, to be true.

I think John F Kennedy said it well in a commencement address to Yale University students in 1962:
"The great enemy of of the truth is very often not the lie- deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth- persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic."
And one year earlier, in his inaugural address, there was this quote; although he was speaking of foreign policy, I think it suits my thoughts here: "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate."

But here I am, negotiating out of fear. Compromising, settling, talking myself out of things I want, things I think might make my life better. Things that might make my short time here on earth, better spent. For others and for myself. Others are missing out too, you know, because I am missing out on myself.
And I am fearful of negotiating. Because to negotiate, to navigate through my mental muck, I'd actually have to take a good, honest look at things. I'd have to map out those as yet uncharted territories in my mind that I have not wanted to venture into yet.

So here we are, at square one.
I'm still at square one.
Are you?

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I have not been back to this site for a very long time. Nearly a month!
Life has been keeping me going at a crazy speed and I have had virtually no time for myself. It's catching up to me. I've decided that I'm going to ask Grandma to keep Alyssa for a few hours next weekend so that I can have some time to go grab a tea and sit and read and write a little bit.

So, there are a few bigger updates. I'm sorry no pictures, but I'm rushing.
Anyways, Alyssa had her first real cold. I had given her the sniffles once before, but it was really just some tired-ness and congestion. This time, she had a fever. Poor thing. She wasn't terribly congested, though. That was one good thing, but she had tummy problems and at one point the fever reached 104 degrees. The first night, since the Children's Motrin wasn't working, we checked her every 30 minutes, taking lukewarm showers with her when she was over 102. We did that until 5 o'clock when her fever held steady at 101.

The next night, we checked her every hour instead of every half hour, giving her lukewarm showers whenever she got above 102 (again, because the Motrin wasn't keeping it down and we couldn't give her another dose yet), until 5 when again, her fever subsided into the 101 area.

THEN, the following night, she reached 103 and we could not get her temp down, and we could not give her another dose yet of Motrin. Hospital trip. Awesome. Especially awesome because we're switching policies for her, and her policy is supposed to start on the 1st, but we haven't officially sent in the docs yet.
I'm really glad we took her though. She topped out at 104. They gave her a "fever cocktail" of Children's Motrin and Children's Tylenol (via suppository for quicker-acting relief.) And an hour later, she was at 100. We went home at 11:00 from the hosp and Alyssa felt so much better that she decided she could not go to sleep. She was all energy. We were up until 1:30 with her until finally, she decided she could use some sleep.

The following day, she had a slight (99ish) fever for most of the day, and towards the end of the evening, she didn't have one. She still did not deign to sleep very much and at 11:30 when she woke up wanting to play that night and we did not let her, she gave an award-winning fit. It was so bad that I began to doubt if she was alright. She doesn't usually throw fits like that, but this is the 2nd fit like that in about a week. I'm beginning to think that this is going to be the new thing. The behavior my almost-toddler has decided to adopt when she's really ticked. Good-bye easy-going, relaxed baby. Hello toddler who throws tantrums. God help me. Me and her, because I want her to be a happy girl. Not a frustrated and/or spoiled child. Happy girl, please!

Lesli and I have been running together. I'm going over there again today. I've missed out on running though for nearly two weeks because I'd been feeling weak the week before Alyssa got sick, and then Alyssa got sick the following week, so badda bing badda boom, no running. But the day after Aly's fever broke, I was out with Les, running a mile. Just a mile, but still.
We want to run the Turkey Trot in about 4 weeks. It's a 5k. I definitely think we can do it.
I used to love running 5k's. Let's see if I still do.

Okay, so I have to go get ready. Alyssa is asleep and I need to get packed and dressed for grandma's. Ooooh. And I just finished reading the last Potter book with Mike (it's the only one I've read), and then The Sugar Queen. Both great; totally different, of course, but both were just what I needed. Next up? Not sure. I have a bio on el Che that's in need of reading. Perhaps that...

:) Bye!

Nothing to Worry About...sort of...

Lately, been repeating these videos on youtube:



Well, and Peter Bjorn and John's Nothing to Worry About, but they disabled the embedding on that video so I can't post it here...

Life has been life...I always feel like I have too much on my plate, and by trying to cover a little bit of everything, nothing gets accomplished.
This is it. I am getting organized and mobilized. I am going to get shit done.

Just the other day, I was thinking back to the time when it was just me on my own and do you know what I realized? I've lost a lot of myself when I got wrapped up in the inevitable process of becoming another person: someone that falls in love; someone that moves in with someone; someone that gets married; someone that has a child. That person that I swore I would not become for many many years seemed to spring to life and almost instantly whoever I had been seemed like a distant thought. Someone less appealing. Mike and whoever this doppelganger was, they ran off together. Quickly, blindly, happily.

It seems that only now that Michael and this person have slowed down a bit, that my other half, my past half, has caught up. It came out of nowhere...

I don't miss my past at all. I have been considerably happier with Michael and now with Alyssa, of course. But there are some things that I do miss. Really do miss.
For one thing, I was organized. I daydreamed more, too. I felt creative and at least every now and then I churned out something kind of nice...

It got late while writing this-- gotta go check on Alyssa!!

Blibbity Blabbity Too

So, M ichael has given me the night off, sweet man. How am i going to spend it? I won't waste it all online, I promise! I'm going to update, check a few blogs, and move on!

Michael's family asked if they could come over today to hang out and have a sort of potluck dinner.
We agreed and got ready for the meal by making some slow cooker BBQ chicken, but we never heard from them. My brother and mother however, both came over in the late afternoon. The Michaels took Aly to the pool while my mom and I went to Whole Foods. She was shocked at the pries. I know, I know...their meat department however, does have some good weekly deals. It's just a matter of going there to check periodically.

I got home just in time to put a sleepy baby to bed so that my brother and hubby could watch District 9, and I would stay with Alyssa while she slept. (I also found that I had locked everyone out of the house. Woo!) My mom went off make-up hunting and yaaay! brought me back a MAC lipstick that I've been wanting! I tried it on right away and love it as I thought I would.
I know very very little about makeup, but I'm slowly getting more into it. It's sad that I'm doing this only in my mid-twenties, I know. I do like makeup, but I've always been wary of all those chemicals they have...mercury in mascara to name one hazard, and your skin absorbs 60% of what you put on it, directly into your bloodstream, if I'm not mistaken. So...imagine wearing this stuff everyday since whatever age you start...just kind of makes me feel a bit ick.

Anyways, I have no pictures for you tonight. I am so so lazy and eager to get off early from here, that I will just post the link to my Flickr account.
Nevermind those purse pics...

And I'm off! Have a great night!!!

An Update, sort of.

So, this long weekend has given us plenty to do. We've spent it mostly with family and friends.
Maybe tomorrow I'll stop by and see Kerrie...now that I think about it, I probably won't. Should've done that today; I was right over there, and tomorrow we'll be getting ready for a potluck with Mike's family over here...so there will probably be no time!

Mike and my brother will be going to see District 9 tomorrow morning, and my mother and I will be doing some Whole Foods shopping for her. She wants to switch over to non-toxic, biodegradable cleaning products and I told her that's my go-to place for that stuff.
Then we'll be cleaning and cooking for most of the day after that, I imagine.
I wish Les was in town, I'd go see her tomorrow for sure. But alas, my well-traveled friend is in NYC this weekend.

In unrelated news, you may notice that I have another blog. It's a blog that no one else reads because it's my ramblings on the difficulties of marriage and making it work. One of my more celebrated teachers in high school once told us that love is sometimes not enough to make things work out in a relationship. It is only recently that I am catching onto this. That's not to say that I am unhappy or ready to walk away. I'm just saying that marriage takes work, and that toiling beyond the love stuff is needed. If only I wasn't so damn uptight...maybe that would make things easier?

Alyssa has been her usual darling self. She is my favorite person. And a person, she is becoming! She has her own preferences, shakes her head when she doesn't want something, tells me when she's in the mood to give me hugs or not. Where did this little person come from? Just a few months ago, she was mostly quiet and observant. Now, she's telling us what she thinks! I love her.

So...tomorrow I should try to get on here and update again. Until then, I'm off to bed! G'night!