Happily Ever After...Right?

Succinct

2011-02-07T20:27:00.000-08:00

I guess I should get right to the point. I am so pressed for time lately, that I'm going to go on hiatus for a bit. I'm going back to lj when I have time for snippets of updates. :p Ugh...back to slamming down some wine and getting ready for bed.

Nice!

Routine

2011-02-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

Routines are necessary.
They make life manageable. Comfortable.

So when does a routine go bad? When do we turn on it?
And is there a way to reconcile with it, or is the only thing to do, to turn our backs on it and do something new?

History repeats itself.

2011-01-30T06:20:00.000-08:00

I am spreading myself too thin. So exhausted most days. I'd 6 of 7 days of the week are spent utterly, well, spent. I have given up on posting. I'll get home at 8:30 most nights, then I race to get Alyssa ready for, and into bed. By 9:30 I am trying ot wolf down some dinner, and then I clean up and get ready for the day for another hour, get ready for bed, and veg out for another hour and a half. At midnight, I crawl into bed, and get about 6 and a half hours of sleep. 7 on the days that I am really lucky. I don't even try to study at night. That would only keep me up later.
Ugh.
It is exhausting.
Add other stress factors (the same two that have been with me for the past 3 years that I will not bore you with), and I am left without wind in my sails, so to speak.

I have given myself a deadline for making an important decision. It has been about 4 years in the making, and I feel that i need to make my happiness a priority again.
I am giving myself a deadline for fulfilling one of many goals. Just one. I have to start somewhere, right?

And that is all.

And so, with that, good-bye for a while blogger. I may post from time to time, but it will be sporadic. Whenever I use that word, I think of Clueless.

Goodbye!

Absence

2011-01-12T20:39:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I used to enjoy blogging, but lately, I haven't been into it. Not keeping a personal journal or anything, really. Been busy. And at the end of the day, I am exhausted. Blahhhhhhh..

After-School...

2011-01-09T20:57:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated in a pretty long time- we had Michael's little brother stay with us for a few weeks, during which, my computer was occupied at most hours of the day.
And I didn't feel right kicking him off because we're a pretty boring bunch, and I assumed that that computer provided the only bit of entertainment that he would get while visiting.

At any rate, I have a slew of pictures from the holidays and of recent family outings to post.

Michael and I are watching an episode of Boy Meets World...scratch that- I am watching it and Michael loves me enough to sit through it. I LOVE after-school specials...and Michael's mind-in-the-gutter side commentary. Haha!

What's new? Since I last updated I have:
Watched It's Complicated, Garden State, Date Night, and True Grit. Next on my queue is The Fighter. This is an unusually high number of movies that I've been able to watch...let's keep it up!
Gone out TWICE with friends. (Getting out for a few hours is a feat rarely accomplished, so I'm happy!)
Started School. It's a bit intimidating being back in something I've been away from for a while.
Updated my iPod.

It's well past midnight.

Goodnight!

Quick Holiday Update

2010-12-22T08:46:00.000-08:00

We're so near! Christmas is almost here! I haven't been to church lately, haven't sent out even one Christmas card, purchased even one gift. To say that I am behind on things this year, would really be an understatement.

Next year, I promise I'll up my game.
At least we did decorate cookies and make homemade hot chocolate according to Martha Stewart's recipe. Yum!!

I am excited for the new year. Every year has the potential to be great, but this year, things are lined up in such a way that I am not just hopeful, but excited even.

What will we be doing on New Years? Not sure yet, but we are definitely hitting the town while grandma watches Alyssa. I'll work out those plans in detail, I guess, this week. Okay. Off to get ready for Lesli to come over for lunch!

A Dilemma

2010-12-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

Is it really a dilemma when I have made my decision? It's only every now and then that I wonder if I shouldn't reconsider. Then I snap back into reality and realize that my initial answer is the correct one.

An incomplete decision? Not really, I guess. It's there always on my mind...the other option isn't. So the feeling that is overwhelmingly present in my heart/mind is the one I should go with, right? Hmmmm...

It's not often that my heart and my mind are on the same page, but I can say in this case, that they actually are.

Sort of.

This didn't help at all, did it?

One thing is certain-- Alyssa is my favorite person to be around. She is just amazing. She is my world.

Men I Love

2010-12-12T19:42:00.000-08:00

I have had a long-standing celebrity crush on Christian Bale.
He had me at Huey Lewis and the News.
I usually don't like gory movies, but his performance made me put that aside. 3:10 to Yuma? For realsies. He is still my favorite.

Next up, Jeff Bridges.
Yes, he's old. His is not a legitimate crush like the one I have for the man above. He's magnificent and I respect him. He's what I imagine a man should age like.
Here's to you, Mr. Bridges.

Honorable mention goes to James Franco and Mark Ruffalo whose eccentricity and intelligence never fail to keep my adoration engaged.
Okay, I have to get back to Christmas Cupid. Yeah, you read that correctly. Shut it.

This weekend...

2010-12-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

Our mantra was: Get fat and be lazy.

Seriously. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were spent eating not just one or two or even three cookies at a time, but as many as I could put down before getting nauseous. We had ribs on Friday, Philly cheese-steak and mac n' cheese on Saturday, and pizza today. I had alcohol, midnight grilled cheeses, popcorn, french fries, and gluten-free donuts.

And how much did I run on these three days? Not even two feet. I didn't even pretend to struggle over whether or not to run. I just woke up and indulged in playing with Alyssa and munching on comfort food.

How much progress did I make in preparation for the week? (Grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, cooking?) Nothing. Not a thing got done. I didn't even tidy our place up. At one point, Michael made the suggestion that he put things in a bit of order, but I talked him out of it.

So, all week I'll be scrambling to make up for lost time.

Thanks a lot, Megan. Thanks a whole lot.

Really, we were layabouts. My motivation was partially hormonal, and partially emotional. Tomorrow, I pick myself up again by my bootstraps, and put my lackadaisical self back on track.

With that out of the way, I can celebrate- I finally saw The Deathly Hallows Part I!!! I love the Harry Potter cinematic series. Admittedly, I cannot count myself among the literary fans, as I have only read one book- the last one, which I did enjoy immensely.

Off to be lazy for the remaining time I am allowing myself to be...maybe with some ice cream?

Coming Full Circle Brings Us Back to Square One

2010-12-03T11:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

We're right back where we started.

No, thanks.

What Makes You Happy.

2010-12-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

If you were to ask yourself, what made you happy today, what would it be?...

Here's my list:
Sleeping in till 8 with my family.
Seeing Alyssa and her cousin get along, even if only momentarily.
Eating chocolate chip cookies AND rice and beans in the same day. Two favorites.Yummy!!
Being able to run.
Seeing Alyssa and Cameron happy to play outside in this unusually nice weather.
Being able to hear the things that my sweet little baby says. She's 2 going on 20 sometimes? God, I just love her.
Music. Always always and forever.
Reading a bit of The Count of Monte Cristo.
Watching Running Wilde and Arrested Development with my husband.
Seeing my family.
The weather.

THE END.

Turkey Day in Recap

2010-11-28T06:40:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving this year was an amazingly great one.
Right, maybe it feels like I'm saying that just to put on a show of a fun and carefree life? Well, it's not. My life, I mean.
Not that it's not great, but it's no Target commercial.
That's why I have to brag about the days that come around every so often when I have really enjoyed myself from beginning to end. And my daughter was content with the whole day, which also constituted a big part of my satisfaction/happiness.

I think I took 1 picture of the event and spent the rest of the time relaxing, playing with Alyssa, playing Dance Central (a few times with Aly, too!), and talking easily with my husband and family. It was a rare day of doing only fun or relaxing things.

Michael and I are lucky. We really are. I know there may be a deeper or perhaps more artful way of saying this but, we're lucky not to be desperately poor, chronically or fatally sick; we are relatively well-educated, and content in the knowledge that we have people that love us and have our best interests at heart (no matter if sometimes their methods are entirely wrong, hah). We're not alone in this world, and we've got a pretty solid foundation right now. Our looks notwithstanding (I think we'd both agree though that they could be worse), we're very happy with what we've got.

Thanksgiving being done with, it is time to move forward with the fun stuff-- twinkling lights, songs that make me happy...and hopefully a few days of colder weather! And some good old fashioned American decadence...on a Bud Light budget. Scratch that-- make it a Natural Ice budget! (Amy Sedaris might be of some assistance in this department. Everyone might be getting googly-eyed peanuts for Christmas).

Okay, I'm off to read about Tony and Eva's split.

Enjoy:

Magic

2010-11-22T19:27:00.000-08:00

Two big dates: December 13th and January 4th.
The first is the day that I will be at the dentist's office for no less than 3 hours getting everything that I need done, in one fell swoop. It is also the day that Michael will begin school.
The second is the date that I start school. Sweeeet. I have to do well if I want any chance of getting into the grad program. For now, it's just the prerequisites, but there's quite a list of them! 27 credit hours, actually. Today, finally, I received confirmation that everything has gone through.

That having been said, I have to get the apartment picked up-- someone interested in purchasing it, will be stopping by tomorrow afternoon and it needs to be presentable.

Holiday in Handcuffs is on (why do I like that movie so much??!), a cheesecake pumpkin pie is in the oven, and my baby is finally asleep (as of 10 o'clock!). Time to get ready for tomorrow...

Running

2010-11-16T19:18:00.000-08:00

I began running when I was 13 years old.
My brother convinced my parents that it would improve my basketball-playing skills if I joined other sports. Cross country, he suggested, would increase my stamina, and keep me in shape off season.

I was annoyed, but relented. I wasn't much of a fighter, and I figured it would take less energy from me to just join this team, than it would to try to fight with my brother and father for the next four years over what a mistake I had made in not following their advice. I wasn't in love with basketball anyways; it was unlikely that I would hate this sport any more than I hated that one, right?

As someone who to this day remains a bit socially awkward, I was surprised to see how well got along with my fellow runners. That made me happy immediately. Formerly a loner, I felt like I might have company.
Who constituted the group of people I would spend the next four years with?
Well, there were two types of people that were on my high school cross country team: 1) Athletes that were there to condition themselves for some other sport they preferred and 2.) People (athletic or not) that desired the opportunity to get into shape while avoiding physical contact with other people. No one initially joined the team because they had any kind of passion for running.

But...many of us converted.

I have to admit it-- I couldn't run 1 mile the first day, but I decided right off the bat that I was in love with this sport and that I would climb my way to the top.
My stubby little legs (I'm maybe 5 foot 2) were not built for distance running, but I decided that I would prevail. Most of the people that I really got along with were the actual runners; those that had joined for some other reason, but that stayed and excelled because they fell in love with running for hours on end.

I was training with the varsity team by my sophomore year (not racing varsity yet, but training). I had made it up to the group of neurotics and over-achievers that I felt comfortable with (even if I was not really an over achiever, myself).
If you're curious, I ran varsity my junior and senior year. I would never be amazing at running, but I held my own.

I still remember my runs with a team:
We would warm up with one mile in the park, stretch, and then hit the road.
Once on the run, we would all talk and sing in unison, clap in unison, and laugh about funny incidents that we could relate to one another. And then around the fourth mile, the chatter would die down, we would all settle into the run, and peace and quiet would reign over the last few miles. This was the golden hour, and probably my favorite time of the run: Our need to socialize spent, we could easily settle into a silent reverie. Once there, my mind would be blank. Only audible was the easy breathing of my fellow runners, the sound of about 40 sneakers lightly padding the pavement in stride, and the steady stream of cars whirring past us.

Once I left for college, I had to settle for running in a gym by myself. Literally non of my friends from cross country went to UF, and only one other friend of mine from high school went there at all. So, no runners there.
Beyond college, I have continued to run in a gym or on my treadmill at home; it's been soul-less and not nearly as fun. I had given it up during pregnancy and for some time thereafter, but have picked it back up again with a vengeance.

Darn the gym! I am getting used to it, but it's still not the same.

,

Not Hopeless

2010-10-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

Tom Petty was runnin' down a dream. American Idols and Next Top Models are chasing one of their own.
Novelists, poets, and filmmakers have tackled the theme of ordinary people struggling to fulfill a dream that will either go realized, or remain a dream for the remainder of their life.

Lately, I have been making a dedicated effort to arrive at mine.
It doesn't involve me becoming a huge success (although that would be a bonus); but it does end with me spending the rest of my days doing something that I really enjoy. Actually, my dream is a combination of things; an amalgam that reflects the mixture of qualities in my character.

I wonder how people decide on a dream. I know how I arrived at mine finally, at the ripe age of 27. i often wonder if that's a bad sign- will I not be any good at what I want to do? Most successful people that I'm aware of, seem to have known what they have wanted to do for a large part of their life.

But this brings me to my question: What is your dream, and how did you decide on it? I wish i could ask this of some of the greats and not-yet-so-greats.

2010-10-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

I grew up really really very sheltered. Being a dork came naturally enough for me, so my parents' commitment to removing popular culture from my everyday life only served to further draw attention to the kid that might as well have already had a club foot or something.

And then I went off to college...and among other things I had not encountered within my controlled and sheltered life, was cable television. What wonderful, mind-numbing-but-scintiallating entertainment I had been missing out on! As a child, weekdays had belonged to 60 Minutes, National Geographic, and Jeopardy, while weekends allowed for some lighter fare- Looney Toons, Spiderman, Batman, and X-Men; or, as I got older, morning news. And now, the possibilities!

In the beginning, I tried to keep things high brow; I was after all, trying to prove my medal as a psuedo-intellectual student that was more interested in Sartre than in The Real World...but after some light experimentation things quickly spiraled out of control and I found myself watching Laguna Beach and Disney Channel movies. Yeah, embarrassing; blame it on my upbringing. I missed out on a lot of mental "junk food" and I was greedily taking in whatever was easiest to ingest after spending hours fumbling through things that made my head hurt in a way that nothing else had before: numerous scientific abstracts about research done on married couples, divorced couples, single people, and statistical data on household demographics in City X, Y, or Z. Derrida, Joyce, Chomsky. I was in over my head...
With more of a workload than I had ever been used to, I was all-too glad to escape from it through that lovely little glass screen perched on my dresser.

I'm still a bit of a rookie when it comes to navigating through the array of options I have out there, but I have at least come across some good stuff I feel I should share.

American Dad, for one, is great. And in my opinion, it's far better than its more popular McFarlen creation, Family Guy. I watch some pretty lame stuff that I don't want to admit to here, but we'll say that one involves a team of gymnasts. Yeah...preeeetty lame...

So, let's stick with the animated stuff:

The Venture Brothers. Brilliant. It makes me want an arch-nemesis to call my own. One that dresses as something ridiculous (like the Monarch in Dr. Venture's case); maybe a dust mite? I would find that one an appropriate nemesis...I have some wicked allergies, after all.

American Dad. Irreverent, funny.

Archer. Ridiculous.

Max and Ruby. Haha. Well, it's the only one of Alyssa's shows that I don't zone out to, besides Sesame Street. Actually, pretty enjoyable, if not so slow paced.

Ok, so I've written nothing of substance yet again. I'm calling it a night. I'll try to post a Day-In-the-Life-Of post on Wednesday.

Sleepless Nights, Quotidian Days

2010-10-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

Alyssa's sleeping habits have been a bit erratic the past few weeks. I won't weigh you down with the details, but definitely, it was not an easy two week period. Today, she took a three hour nap. Weird! She's approaching her second birthday and I'm hoping that this has been a blip caused by a growth spurt; this perhaps was our welcome into her second year of life- official entrance into toddler-hood.

Otherwise, life has been fairly routine. I'm not complaining, though.
The holidays are quickly approaching which makes me supremely happy.
Silk has released their Pumpkin spiced soymilk and nog-flavored soymilk.
This time of the year has always been my favorite.

This weekend was a wash in regards to doing much outside of chores, but I got to spend time with my baby and husband, I'm really really happy.

ok. Off to get ready for tomorrow!!

I changed my mind.

2010-10-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

Last night, I wrote a few thoughts down on love.
I saved it as a draft and deleted it this morning.

It was dull. I'll tell you all about it later.

I'm watching a Tivo'd episode of Archer. I love this show. And I love that they have the parents from Arrested Development on it...overall, it's pretty entertaining.

I want to type more, but I cannot currently use my left arm/hand. I got my ass kicked at the gym tonight and that arm is spent. I did however, treat myself to cuban food and flan as a reward. Yummy!

This weekend, we'll go to the beach again...

We'll do a crap load of laundry.
And of course, we'll go do something fun for Aly-- maybe a festival or Flamingo Gardens...have to see what's going on.

Night night!

One for the money, two for the show...

2010-10-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend:
http://www.fliff.com/index.asp

And a movie I'd like to see:

Because a love story without a little heartbreak just isn't that interesting, is it?

Food 101

2010-10-06T19:09:00.001-07:00

This girl's pedestrian tastes.

My Food Blog

2010-10-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

The weight gain. The unhealthy way that I eat.
I am as heavy now as I was when I was first pregnant with Alyssa. It's crazy. My jeans barely fit me.
I've been meaning to rework my unhealthy lifestyle to incorporate better diet decisions, more exercise, and more time to take care of myself.

Tomorrow, I will embark on a journey to better myself. I am making the commitment here, to myself, in writing.

30 days of documenting what I eat. Afterward, I will be able to step back and take in with just enough horror, what I have consumed. Maybe having to disclose my eating habits to the world wide web will make me want to eat better.

So tomorrow, my pretties. Tomorrow marks day 1.

It will also mark day 1 of my journey to completing something in my dream book: Being able to run 6 miles painlessly, again.

http://megansfoodblog.com/

My dearest Albert...

2010-10-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

I adore a good period piece. And so I am watching The Young Victoria.
The cinematography. Oh. The cinematography. The fabrics used in their clothing, the colors, the decadence of their lifestyle, and the innocent and inexperienced feelings of love between Albert and Victoria.

I have had my husband any members of my family tell me I am jaded. And so I guess in so many ways, I am. So it's nice to see love like that again. In real life, i roll my eyes at that, but in movies and novels, these feelings are usually presented in a way that doesn't make me want to vomit. It's usually pretty sweet. Young love really gives itself completely over. Just hands its heart over on a platter. And in the movies, that can work out pretty well. In real life...I don't know. I guess it worked out for Victoria and Albert.

Yesterday, my sweet baby, Michael, and I spent the day mostly indoors playing with her train set and healing from our latest illness. We get sick so frequently these days...we must not be washing our hands frequently enough.??

We walked her to the park and played until the mosquitos and the daylight permitted us to. And then we all hobbled home to try to recover from our attempt at being more active.

Today, Michael was doing worse so Alyssa, my mother, father, and I went to the beach.
She had a blast, and passed out as soon as we got home.

And now we are waiting for her to wake up so we can go to Publix.

So goodbye for now, blogger. Off to relax and upload pictures so that I can post them later on.

I don't want to share.

2010-09-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

Alyssa's blossoming toddler personality has brought tears of joy to my eyes. She's silly and fun, and always wants to make me experience her happiness with her. "C'mon, mommy," she'll say, beckoning me to her with her tiny hand, as she has seen me do when I ask her to come to me.
She is the loveliest person I have ever met.

That being said, I have to tell you, that my daughter will also not think twice about using her sweet voice to refuse compliance with some necessary task. She'll also use those very same tiny hands mentioned above, to push you away from her if she's not in the mood to receive affection. She'll push you out of her way if she needs to get by you;she'll run away and hide when you tell her that it is time for a diaper change. And she'll laugh at you and pull away when you're in a parking lot and insist that one must always hold hands in parking lots, in the name of safety.
Oh, and if she has something you want, she will usually hand it over only after smiling, holding it out, and then pulling it back in close to her before you can get to it.

And the most recent addition to her repertoir of impolite toddler behaviors, is declaring everything as belonging to her. Mainly, when it comes to her cousin, but I have also witnessed this being used on my friend's daughter, as I'm sure it will be on any child who might in the future show a liking for me. But being that we don't have too many friends with kids, this is mostly being directed at her cousin, Cameron. "My daddy," she'll tell him. "Nooo. My mommy." "Myyyyy toy." "My car! My car!" And today, as he crawled towards her to say hello, "Nooo. My Alyssa!" And she hugged herself as she ran away from him.

Oh, my sweet little girl. I will love you until the end of time, and even after that.

The best laid plans...

2010-09-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

My plans for technical advancement have been thwarted. For the moment, at least.

I am waiting on paystubs from Michael's work. Hopefully the copies will be sent via the payroll company in time for me to enroll in this freaking program. I really really would like for this to actually come to fruition.

Solving your basic technical problems, is my passion. Ha. But seriously. Happen. Please. Technical writing, here I come...

I have to go. So soon! So late. Not much of an update, I know.
Tomorrow pictures and stuff. It will delight.

Another weekend Bites the Dust

2010-09-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

Labor Day weekend. From my last post, you could tell that I was anxious to enjoy a weekend...
I've been sick in bed for the past two days. My head has felt like it was both full of gunk and throbbing with pressure in the front half of my skull. Geeeeez.

Thankfully, Michael has taken Alyssa into his care for these past couple of days because I have been utterly miserable. Plans with friends and family were cancelled, and one on one time with my daughter was put off. I am really really hoping that tomorrow will find me feeling significantly better.

And then perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, I can start being physical again on Tuesday when I am done with my antibiotics and with this cold. I've felt so yucky just loafing around for so long. It's not a party if it happens everyday, you know? At least so says The Postal Service. And I agree.

Oh, my baby is back.

Transparent

2010-09-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

Call me what you will, but I have created and filled in a Dream Book.
Not REM-sleep dreaming; I'm talking about immediate and long-term things that I dream of actually happening. It ranges from reasonably obtainable (i.e. purchase health insurance), to the highly unlikely (i.e. become a frequently published and widely-read author of fiction), and some things in between.

I have started working on the first two this week; and I will continue to work on them, one by one!

I am still sick, but I'm getting back on my feet. This upper respiratory infection kicked my ass. I have three more days of Cipro, and I think Alyssa and I have caught something else. Probably because neither of us have been sleeping much. I won't get into that...
Anyways, being sick has made me skip the gym and find eating two dinners everyday to be all too necessary; thus, my pants don't fit me anymore. No joke. I've gone up a dress size in the past two weeks! WTF?! I still have another fours days of double dinners and no exercise. And in the meantime, I have to wear gym shorts and dresses.

Due to having lost my license, I could not register for classes at Broward College until the classes I needed were full.

Soooo I decided to go to PBCC-- but I needed a transcript mailed to me because I have never attended that institution...and that took time. When the transcript arrived, I could not sign up because we were broke.

By the time Mike received his next paycheck, all of the PBCC classes I needed were full. Damnit! And so that goal will have to wait, but the tuition money and the transcript have been set aside. They are ready and waiting for the next semester, although I am going to pay a visit to BC to see if I can possibly nab a seat that gets dropped by someone. That would rock.

I had been hemming and hawing about going back to work because I was hoping to start school in January, but the plan I have worked out for accomplishing said dreams, has pushed that back another year; meaning, I will actually put effort into finding employment. Perhaps this time in 2011, I will be happily checking off my grad school dream. One can only hope... I think it's kind of funny that I so desperately want a degree that will earn me nothing unless with a lot of luck, I make something of my writing. Who knows? Maybe I will. :) And if not, at least I will have my student-loan debt to keep me warm. Ha. I love school. I really really do.

Lastly, I should mention that tomorrow is Friday and that I am super-stoked about the weekend, since the last two I was just managing to drag mysget self about town. This time, I get to enjoy my time with my family! I love my little girl! My amazing little girl.

La La Love You

2010-08-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

I love this show. Too bad it's taken me so long to give it a chance.

Clarity

2010-08-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

I'll be fine.

I hope everyone else will be. Especially my sweet, sensitive little daughter.

Listening to Katie Herzig. I really really like her music and her voice.
Katiiiieeeee!

I'll be turning her off though to enjoy an episode of Venture Brothers.

Oh, and I finally hunted down that song that I've had in my head, but could not remember who sang it or what it was called. It is: Le Tigre- Keep on Livin'.

So there! :)

Think Pooh. Think.

2010-08-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

We are moving on with our lives.

Michael is moving on with his career.
And I am trying to start one.
Alyssa is growing into a more beautiful person every day.
My brother and my father are putting in bids for their dream.
My mother's rheumatoid arthritis is in remission.

I have to make a decision about what I am going to do with myself, with my family:
To go back to work or to continue enjoying this time with my daughter, especially since starting in March, I will be seeing her a lot less.

Actually, regardless of my decision at the moment, in March I will have to go back to work. But March is another 7 months away. So, I have to decide this weekend what I'll do during the interim.

On the menu for tomorrow:
PetCo for aquarium care questions.
Keira's 8th birthday
Back to the gym- haven't been in 5 days. I've run 1 of these days that I've been away. Sheesh.Cooking chicken soup and skillet cornbread.

Have to go.

The newest one

2010-07-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

This weekend will bring:

The talk I've been dreading...
The night out I've been wanting...
Time with my Alyssa at the beach and the park.

We took her to Flamingo Gardens last weekend and she was just as excited as the first time we took her there last month. The peacocks running around really do it for her, I think. And since this place has a "Coastal Birds" exhibit with pelicans, seagulls, ducks, and other usually non-aggressive birds, we are free to walk among them which also excites her, I think. I'm always on the lookout for bird poop though...one of these times I know there's going to be a near-hit somewhere on me.

My brother, Marjorie, and I took Canela (Marjorie's dog), Cameron, and Alyssa to the beach today. It was a private beach area by a bay where some of the other residents were scouting out the area for lobsters because apparently lobster-hunting season begins tomorrow. I just can't get into boiling something alive, so I stay away from lobster. Except to show them to Alyssa at the supermarket because she flips out to see them. It's a stop we MUST make when we go shopping.
She loves animals. LOVES them. She's going to be a lifelong animal-lover, I think.

Must run- must groom myself and eat lunch while I can. Cameron and Alyssa are both asleep!

4th of July 2010

2010-07-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

July 4th this year was surprisingly uneventful! We did however, take Alyssa to Miami Metro Zoo for $5 admission day...where she was pretty unimpressed. I've seen her more interested in the mice at PetSupermarket. I think there was too much going on for her. Throngs of people; and I mean throngs of people. It was more densely packed than any time I've ever been to Disney. There was just so much going on there...
We skipped out soon after arriving, to regrettably, eat at a Friday's. Still, this was a better option than the hour long line we would have waited in, for a hot dog at the zoo...their "Oasis Grille" was a small area filled with concession stands selling cheap and greasy food. Miami Metro Zoo was not a pleasurable visit this time!! But I still donated five bucks because I'm glad they're around...

Alyssa, Michael, and I caught up with Kayla and Dylan to watch the fireworks from the comfort of our apartment courtyard-- we had a great view of the display they were putting on at the beach. And while she was afraid of the noise at first, once Alyssa saw the twins, she was happy and asking for more fireworks. I love her. :) And Kayla and Dylan are incredibly sweet kids.

Mike and I bought a fish tank today and we've left it priming overnight. Tomorrow, we will go back and buy our new pet fish!

In other news, we have opted to apply Michael's soon-to-be enacted raise, to health and dental insurance as well as Aly's MyGym membership, instead of the previously-planned car with air conditioning and a stereo. No air in our car in South Florida. It's the story of my life. I had the same issue with the car I had when I was pregnant and so on and so on. Could be worse though.
At least i have a car. I feel bad for those guys waiting at the bus stop, with children no less. Thankfully, Mike's stepdad is going to come down to help us fix it and God-willing, the fix will stick.

Let's see...that's it. Oh, and I'm a lot closer to finally finishing up my requirements to apply to grad school. I am so close to finishing the application that I can taste it...but then it's out of my hands. My crappy GPA will not do me any favors in their selection process. Damn my Freshman year bender/meltdown! I am sick of talking about maybe possibly hopefully going to grad school. I just want to do it, damnit!!

Okay, I'm out.

Oh, and my cousin and her kids are here, as is Heather. Heather!!! Can you believe it? Heather is back fro China for a little bit! But then, my dear friend will be heading back.

Oh, and my pulled quads are healing. I am able to bend down and left myself back up again without pain.

Okay, going to get ready for bed.

Que sera del amor eterno?

2010-07-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

Breakfast with a princess
Originally uploaded by Megan Mansueto

My little one has jumped quickly into toddlerhood.
She is incredible and sweet and terribly bright and surprisingly opinionated. She continues to amaze me.

We're all doing pretty well. I'm still grateful for what I've got, for what I've had, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the future. Why, you may ask? Is my life perfect? Not even close! Not even close to one of those happy Target commercials, ha, but still, it's surprisingly awesome. But in regards to why the near-ish future is a topic of interest for me lately: For the past year and a half, I have shelved things that I wanted to do for myself, in order to put my all into Alyssa's first years of life. I don't regret it and I am satisfied with the amount of effort I have put into parenting.
But now I think, it is okay for me to throw myself a few things here and there. Exciting! :) I just have to put on a brave face. But I really am excited!!

Okay, last thing:

I still like CAKE. Oooooh Yeah. He's going for speed...

Be Courageous, Megan.

2010-07-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

A Very Short Song
by Dorothy Parker

Once, when I was young and true,
Someone left me sad-
Broke my brittle heart in two;
And that is very bad.

Love is for unlucky folk,
Love is but a curse.
Once there was a heart I broke;
And that, I think, is worse.

"...because you're never going to make it as a singer."

2010-06-25T20:38:00.000-07:00

Elvis. I need to add some Elvis to my record collection. I use the word "collection" very loosely because I only recently purchased a record player and as such, have only made one trip to one record store. Maybe some Elvis, some Madonna, and some Sufjan to start off with...

You know, until recently, I had no idea that Elvis was actually told on more than one occasion that he couldn't sing, wouldn't make it as a singer. I'm glad he stuck with it.
I'm glad I'll stick with writing. It's what I want to do, and it's what I'm going to do.
Thank you Elvis, Michael Jordan, Dr. Seuss, Barbara Streisand...

But Riiiiicky!...

2010-06-22T19:37:00.000-07:00

I am so bad at life sometimes.
So, i signed up for a summer kickball league and have already hurt myself. The very first practice we had a couple of weeks ago, I pulled my quads. Yes, both. Since then, I've been stretching and stretching and stretching and stretching...aaaaand stretching them...and tonight when I had to sprint, I pulled them again. Both. Again. I am so ridiculously out of shape and walking everyday apparently isn't doing much to remedy that.

Tomorrow, I change that. I can't stand being this out of shape. I can't get through a handful of sprints for pete's sake!!!!

Everyone on the team thus far has been nice. This isn't for me though. I doubt I'll do this again. :p But maybe I'll keep the friends I'll make. Anyways, other news: nada. lol This is it. Back into the bath with epsom salts!

Baddabing

2010-06-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a sorely needed break. I was sick on Friday and Saturday and as such, did not take care of much outside of feeding and clothing myself and Alyssa. Well, I did manage to take her to the pool, with the assistance of course, of three other people. I was really beat. Today is the first day that I feel somewhat well, and have taken this day to try to catch up on the mountain of laundry and mess that I have been putting off since I first started feeling gross, this past Wednesday.

Aly is amazing, as usual. She brightens my life everyday. She is exhausting and I'm pretty sure we're entering the terrible two's now that she's 19 months, but she really is the light of my life.

Okay, so that's all for now. Back to cleaning!

The 27th Year

2010-06-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

So, after hauling ass to make it to my kickball game, I couldn't freaking find the right field to go to. Les called me back when I was already halfway home. Boo.

I really don't want to drive up to Orlando with Les; I want to keep her company and all, but the weekend is the only sort of slow-paced time in the week that I look forward to and driving to and from in one day sounds like a yucky idea. On the other hand, I know driving up there alone would suck...I haven't made up my mind yet...

I am ready for my 27th year in life. I really really am. Bring it on! I think I am stronger than I was even one year ago. I think I know myself better too; what I like and don't like. It's all getting easier to tell apart and it's also getting easier to admit to, haha.

I heard this song yesterday...lovely. Don't know how the rest of the artist's music measures up, but I like this one.

Anyways, I am really thankful for what I have in my life now, and for who I have become and who I continue to become because for the most part, I'm happy about it.
There are some things that I want to deal with, to change, but for the most part, I'm happy. Pretty happy, you know?

I can't wait to get my dental work done...weird, huh? It's just, it's been years that I've needed to get this done...

Okay, off to get ready for bed, shower, teeth, etc.

And now one more...I love Vampire Weekend. I really do. Must purchase Contra on vinyl. Now I can say that. :) Now that I have a Pro-Ject turntable sitting in our living room. Yaay!

Did I disappoint?

2010-06-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

*Reading Dr. Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" for general knowledge as well as help with Alyssa's separation anxieties. My poor, sweet, sensitive baba ghanoush.

*Tonmorrow is vet day for the cats.

*Friday is vaccine day for Alyssa.

*Saturday I will be driving up to Orlando and back down, to keep a friend company while Alyssa takes in the Butterfly Garden.

*Tomorrow is my first kickball game!

*Yoga on Thursday.

Night Night

2010-06-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

I remember why I hate going out to any typical bar in South Florida.
I love getting out and dancing to good music and I enjoy having a drink and talking with good friends. But in my opinion, a typical bar in South Florida doesn't allow me to do either one of these things. They're usually not set up for dancing, and they're usually playing loud, mediocre music so that one can neither converse very well, nor enjoy dancing. I don't know Miami very well, but for my birthday, I'd like to maybe get out and dance. I want to either go to a goth nightclub because I typically like the music they play, or someplace that plays "hipster" music because this is the stuff I also enjoy trying to dance to even though I never think I look like I fit in with the clientele. I'm too dorky, and not in a quirky, cute-sy kind of way.

Whatever. Just would like to dance on my birthday to something other than Lady Gaga or that freaking "tonight's gonna be a good good night" song...oh my gosh or that "beautiful girls all over the world..." song. I must have heard that lastone at least 5 times last night. Yuck.

I have no idea where to go since I don't get out much anymore. I'll have to ask my sister-in-law since she lives in Miami and may know what's up. SET's website made it look ridiculously shiny, which leads me to believe that this one is not for me. Maybe Pawn or Revolver? Maybe I won't be able to get out on my birthday, anyway? This would all be moot if that's the case...

New

2010-06-10T18:08:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been focusing on trying to breathe new life into my ragamuffin soul.
I have been burning the candle at both ends though, so to speak, because I have been working on the present and on progressing forward with my life, AND on trying to clean up the mess Michael and I have been making over the past few years.

I have been making pretty big strides in the cleaning up process and anticipate being done with it once and for all, some time within the next 2 months.

As for the other stuff, I have been trying to get out every so often to see friends and make new ones. I joined a kickball team with my friend, Lesli, and have officially started exercising a little bit every day (weekdays, not weekends!), and have been eating better/feeding my family better food.

Unfortunately, between a few big projects, socializing, and mothering, pretty much every waking moment of mine is already well-spent, leaving no room for my writing the sample of fiction that I need to submit as part of my application to FIU.
::sigh:: I figure, once I hit a stride with my daily routine, I'll squeeze time in for that, too, but for now, I'm still trying to incorporate the new aspects of my life that I'd like to solidify.

Let's see...I will finally be purchasing health insurance; that's definitely something I've been excited about.

Lastly, I have been looking at graduate schools in the Northeast..it's just a dream. Who would look after Alyssa if I moved that far away from my family. They are always available at a moment's notice to look after Alyssa if Michael and I need that favor. And if and when I actually do this graduate school thing, I'll definitely be calling in some favors so that I can get some homework done.

Tomorrow, Mike, my brother, and I are going to a "cops and robbers" party. Cliche, I know, but I'll be glad to just get out for a bit with some friends to dance and converse with. I wanted to be Bonnie and Clyde with Michael, but now I'm not sure if he's going. I was wishing someone would go as Magnum P.I. I really freaking love Magnum. He's a PI, not a cop, but close enough?

Finally, I have to report that I have so many new picture to post, but can't do so yet because I have lost my camera cord...again. I'm usually pretty on top of my stuff, but my phone and camera cord are always forgotten. Ugh.

xoxo

Ridiculous

2010-05-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

Suffice it to say that life has been ridiculously busy. And I am really happy with what's going on!
I thoroughly enjoy staying home with Alyssa and her cousin, Cameron, as exhausting as it is. I'm applying to the Creative Writing graduate program at FIU and God-willing, they will accept me.

It's a funny thing: I have made it a mission of mine in my adult life to be absolutely true to who I am. So many years have been wasted on trying to be someone I would like to be, before I realized that said person's existence was not a happy one.
And why would it have been a happy existence? Some characteristics reflected who I really am, and others were just contrived or repressed.
Sometime around my 25th birthday, I decided that as I age, I am more aware of myself and what I like and don't like, and that I always fair better in life when I remain honest.
However, I never applied this to my selection of an occupation to pursue.
Through a happy combination of selective low-self-esteem and growing up relatively poor, I sought ought a job that would label me a "professional;" one also that did not require me to create, only to analyze. But I talked myself out of each potential profession, with the exception of speech-pathology which I still think I would actually be happy with. So, having gotten nowhere with these other routes, I decided to go for what I actually want to do- write. (Note that I did not say "write well"). And it only now occurs to me: this is the best path for me to explore. And why not? Being honest with myself and with the world has thus far only given me happiness, so I am hoping that applied to this situation, the results will be similarly satisfying.

I'm exhausted. going to bed in a few minutes.

Goodnight all.

Dirt under the Rug

2009-12-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

Alyssa has successfully broken my mini ipod...I should have known better than to let her play with it even after I saw her shoving it into her ball popper to see it shoot up. It didn't actually get any air, naturally, but I could see her intentions were not to be gentle with it...ha!
I have my iphone still at least, and that will be put to use until I can get another mini.

I have been pretty absent from here lately. I have been dealing with loads of emotional baggage that has the potential to become heavy and unsightly, lol. So I'm taking care of it before it gets out of control. Woohoo! I've also been working on my side projects.

I've also resolved to put in my all to make things between Mike and I better.
We're so different and while I love his differences, passing time and added responsibilites have been making it more difficult for me to still love these differences. But enough of that. We'll emerge from this. I hope!

I know I said I was going to read A Confederacy of Dunces, but I have opted instead, to dive into Oryx and Crake. Mike and I wrapped up Jekyll and Hyde and I think, will begin Me Talk Pretty One Day, together. I've read it before, but I think it's worth the re-read.

I have no pictures for now. I'll upload tonight and hopefully tomorrow I can post. I'll leave you with this for now:

I have only heard one other song from the new Girls album and was not impressed. Maybe the rest of the album is better? This song at least, I enjoy. I'll have to see if I can check out the rest...

Bye!

Headache

2009-11-21T21:08:00.000-08:00

This migraine might very well keep me out of commission for more than a day. I very rarely get one like this. Just awful.
New book to begin reading, because I like to pretend that I will have time to do anything other than study:
A confederacy of dunces.
Yep.

I have to get off my phone. Migraine...stabbing my eyelid...Gah!

Embarrassing

2009-11-12T08:06:00.000-08:00

It's embarrassing how much I look forward to (sort of) watching the ABC Family Channel's installment of made-for-tv holiday movies during their "25 days of Christmas" promotion.

I don't really get to watch them, as I can't sit and enjoy them, even after Aly has gone to sleep for the night, but I love having them on in the background and checking in every now and then to see some cheesy, predictable story-line movie action. Mainly because it's holiday-related.
Included in these gems, are Snow and Snow 2, Snowglobe, and The Dog that Saved Christmas.

LOL Michael makes sooooo much fun of me...and I have to admit that I deserve the mocking. But I thoroughly enjoy myself, and I plan on seeing ABC Family through this holiday programming series.
I told Michael he was mistaken if he thought he'd married someone with any bit of hip-ness in them. He says he knows he didn't...

Picture update later! I made a video but have not had time to post it! Maybe I can get that up here later, too...

A space for a face and other good stuff

2009-11-09T07:55:00.000-08:00

Deadlines.
I have deadlines I have to meet.
I am setting them up today, because in a world of no deadlines, I could carry on forever with good intentions and nothing to show for them. That's the just the way I am.
I need lists, target dates for completion, commitment, reminders to put myself out there for possible rejection, and all these things I think I would otherwise love doing without. Well, not the lists. I love lists.

I am going to regain a sense of self again. It's not been lost completely, just buried; pushed to the back of a mental basement to make room for newly acquired roles that I have been busying myself with. But I'm not going to do anything until January.

For now, I'll relax, soak in the happiness of the holidays, and enjoy that sense of excitement and anticipation that comes with the knowledge of an impending project.

A note on marriage and a sense of independence:
How does one reconcile the desire to both be actively engaged in a fulfilling partnership, and continue to have a life outside of it for oneself?
It seems easy enough. Go out with your girlfriends every once in a while, come back home, and resume where you left off the night before.
And yet, I feel this is a tricky balance.
You have to be careful not to want to recapture a time that seemed simpler and more exciting in so many ways: one's youth. I was thinking about this because I'll admit, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be single again. Not because I don't love Michael or because I want to see anyone else; I guess it's a silly sense of freedom, a sense of mystery and possibility that might be available to you.

But I know deep down, that this is just a curiosity, because I always come crawling back to my current life. It really is much nicer. Much much nicer.

Nostalgia has a way of making things more pleasant, I think, than they actually were.
And nostalgia, it will remain.
That is how I have chosen to enjoy those "simpler" times. Times when I was waiting around for someone or something to shake up my life, to chase whatever path it lead me down; it was a new adventure, something new to discover. (And anyways, I believe you can't ever really 'get back to where you once were.' That would require a mental and emotional wipe, ala Eternal Sunshine or something).

This life will provide me with just as many if not more possibilities for adventure; I just have to be open to them, and willing to work for results. And I get the sense that this will be more satisfying than anything I would have done with my youth.
And so it is that I welcome this next chapter in my life with open arms.

And on that note, I leave you to enjoy your day. :)

Three is better than two

2009-11-05T07:50:00.000-08:00

Hi!

We surprised my mom in the middle of her workout and Alyssa pointed out some things...

...and some more over here, she says.

Michael showing Alyssa a squirrel at the park.

Swinging. She did have socks and shoes on, but peeled them off, as she usually does.

My sweet potato.

Always and forever.

2009-11-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

I will always love you, Alyssa. Always. No matter the distance, no matter what we've done or said to each other, no matter where we are in our lives. I will always love you.

she is sweet. My little girl will be turning 1 on November 4th. ONE!!! I know just about every parent I know says this, but really, I can hardly believe it. The time has really, truly flown by.
Blink and she's going to be 15, then 18, then leaving me to forge a life of her very own, at which point, I'll probably cry.

I got a 30-minute break tonight from baby watch, so I must head back upstairs to my little one.
Most of my 30 minutes was spent loading the pictures off my camera onto the computer, and then uploading them onto flickr. I have so much more to write, to say, to give pictures of, but alas, I'll have to wait for another day to let you in on it.

Goodnight! :)

Exploring Fear

2009-10-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

In regards to some things, it's so much easier to live in fear.
I live in fear of so much. I have always wanted to be a strong person and when I can, I am.
When I have no other choice, I am. But when there's a choice, it's so much more difficult.

What is the source of my fear? I think it's reasonable to say that there is more than one source, because my fears run the gamut. So, where to begin?

Part of the problem with living in fear, is also the dishonesty. Not malicious, deliberately sneaking lies, but the desire for what is untrue, to be true.

I think John F Kennedy said it well in a commencement address to Yale University students in 1962:
"The great enemy of of the truth is very often not the lie- deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth- persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic."
And one year earlier, in his inaugural address, there was this quote; although he was speaking of foreign policy, I think it suits my thoughts here: "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate."

But here I am, negotiating out of fear. Compromising, settling, talking myself out of things I want, things I think might make my life better. Things that might make my short time here on earth, better spent. For others and for myself. Others are missing out too, you know, because I am missing out on myself.
And I am fearful of negotiating. Because to negotiate, to navigate through my mental muck, I'd actually have to take a good, honest look at things. I'd have to map out those as yet uncharted territories in my mind that I have not wanted to venture into yet.

So here we are, at square one.
I'm still at square one.
Are you?

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

2009-10-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

I have not been back to this site for a very long time. Nearly a month!
Life has been keeping me going at a crazy speed and I have had virtually no time for myself. It's catching up to me. I've decided that I'm going to ask Grandma to keep Alyssa for a few hours next weekend so that I can have some time to go grab a tea and sit and read and write a little bit.

So, there are a few bigger updates. I'm sorry no pictures, but I'm rushing.
Anyways, Alyssa had her first real cold. I had given her the sniffles once before, but it was really just some tired-ness and congestion. This time, she had a fever. Poor thing. She wasn't terribly congested, though. That was one good thing, but she had tummy problems and at one point the fever reached 104 degrees. The first night, since the Children's Motrin wasn't working, we checked her every 30 minutes, taking lukewarm showers with her when she was over 102. We did that until 5 o'clock when her fever held steady at 101.

The next night, we checked her every hour instead of every half hour, giving her lukewarm showers whenever she got above 102 (again, because the Motrin wasn't keeping it down and we couldn't give her another dose yet), until 5 when again, her fever subsided into the 101 area.

THEN, the following night, she reached 103 and we could not get her temp down, and we could not give her another dose yet of Motrin. Hospital trip. Awesome. Especially awesome because we're switching policies for her, and her policy is supposed to start on the 1st, but we haven't officially sent in the docs yet.
I'm really glad we took her though. She topped out at 104. They gave her a "fever cocktail" of Children's Motrin and Children's Tylenol (via suppository for quicker-acting relief.) And an hour later, she was at 100. We went home at 11:00 from the hosp and Alyssa felt so much better that she decided she could not go to sleep. She was all energy. We were up until 1:30 with her until finally, she decided she could use some sleep.

The following day, she had a slight (99ish) fever for most of the day, and towards the end of the evening, she didn't have one. She still did not deign to sleep very much and at 11:30 when she woke up wanting to play that night and we did not let her, she gave an award-winning fit. It was so bad that I began to doubt if she was alright. She doesn't usually throw fits like that, but this is the 2nd fit like that in about a week. I'm beginning to think that this is going to be the new thing. The behavior my almost-toddler has decided to adopt when she's really ticked. Good-bye easy-going, relaxed baby. Hello toddler who throws tantrums. God help me. Me and her, because I want her to be a happy girl. Not a frustrated and/or spoiled child. Happy girl, please!

Lesli and I have been running together. I'm going over there again today. I've missed out on running though for nearly two weeks because I'd been feeling weak the week before Alyssa got sick, and then Alyssa got sick the following week, so badda bing badda boom, no running. But the day after Aly's fever broke, I was out with Les, running a mile. Just a mile, but still.
We want to run the Turkey Trot in about 4 weeks. It's a 5k. I definitely think we can do it.
I used to love running 5k's. Let's see if I still do.

Okay, so I have to go get ready. Alyssa is asleep and I need to get packed and dressed for grandma's. Ooooh. And I just finished reading the last Potter book with Mike (it's the only one I've read), and then The Sugar Queen. Both great; totally different, of course, but both were just what I needed. Next up? Not sure. I have a bio on el Che that's in need of reading. Perhaps that...

:) Bye!

Nothing to Worry About...sort of...

2009-09-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

Lately, been repeating these videos on youtube:

Well, and Peter Bjorn and John's Nothing to Worry About, but they disabled the embedding on that video so I can't post it here...

Life has been life...I always feel like I have too much on my plate, and by trying to cover a little bit of everything, nothing gets accomplished.
This is it. I am getting organized and mobilized. I am going to get shit done.

Just the other day, I was thinking back to the time when it was just me on my own and do you know what I realized? I've lost a lot of myself when I got wrapped up in the inevitable process of becoming another person: someone that falls in love; someone that moves in with someone; someone that gets married; someone that has a child. That person that I swore I would not become for many many years seemed to spring to life and almost instantly whoever I had been seemed like a distant thought. Someone less appealing. Mike and whoever this doppelganger was, they ran off together. Quickly, blindly, happily.

It seems that only now that Michael and this person have slowed down a bit, that my other half, my past half, has caught up. It came out of nowhere...

I don't miss my past at all. I have been considerably happier with Michael and now with Alyssa, of course. But there are some things that I do miss. Really do miss.
For one thing, I was organized. I daydreamed more, too. I felt creative and at least every now and then I churned out something kind of nice...

It got late while writing this-- gotta go check on Alyssa!!

Blibbity Blabbity Too

2009-09-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

So, M ichael has given me the night off, sweet man. How am i going to spend it? I won't waste it all online, I promise! I'm going to update, check a few blogs, and move on!

Michael's family asked if they could come over today to hang out and have a sort of potluck dinner.
We agreed and got ready for the meal by making some slow cooker BBQ chicken, but we never heard from them. My brother and mother however, both came over in the late afternoon. The Michaels took Aly to the pool while my mom and I went to Whole Foods. She was shocked at the pries. I know, I know...their meat department however, does have some good weekly deals. It's just a matter of going there to check periodically.

I got home just in time to put a sleepy baby to bed so that my brother and hubby could watch District 9, and I would stay with Alyssa while she slept. (I also found that I had locked everyone out of the house. Woo!) My mom went off make-up hunting and yaaay! brought me back a MAC lipstick that I've been wanting! I tried it on right away and love it as I thought I would.
I know very very little about makeup, but I'm slowly getting more into it. It's sad that I'm doing this only in my mid-twenties, I know. I do like makeup, but I've always been wary of all those chemicals they have...mercury in mascara to name one hazard, and your skin absorbs 60% of what you put on it, directly into your bloodstream, if I'm not mistaken. So...imagine wearing this stuff everyday since whatever age you start...just kind of makes me feel a bit ick.

Anyways, I have no pictures for you tonight. I am so so lazy and eager to get off early from here, that I will just post the link to my Flickr account.
Nevermind those purse pics...

And I'm off! Have a great night!!!

An Update, sort of.

2009-09-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

So, this long weekend has given us plenty to do. We've spent it mostly with family and friends.
Maybe tomorrow I'll stop by and see Kerrie...now that I think about it, I probably won't. Should've done that today; I was right over there, and tomorrow we'll be getting ready for a potluck with Mike's family over here...so there will probably be no time!

Mike and my brother will be going to see District 9 tomorrow morning, and my mother and I will be doing some Whole Foods shopping for her. She wants to switch over to non-toxic, biodegradable cleaning products and I told her that's my go-to place for that stuff.
Then we'll be cleaning and cooking for most of the day after that, I imagine.
I wish Les was in town, I'd go see her tomorrow for sure. But alas, my well-traveled friend is in NYC this weekend.

In unrelated news, you may notice that I have another blog. It's a blog that no one else reads because it's my ramblings on the difficulties of marriage and making it work. One of my more celebrated teachers in high school once told us that love is sometimes not enough to make things work out in a relationship. It is only recently that I am catching onto this. That's not to say that I am unhappy or ready to walk away. I'm just saying that marriage takes work, and that toiling beyond the love stuff is needed. If only I wasn't so damn uptight...maybe that would make things easier?

Alyssa has been her usual darling self. She is my favorite person. And a person, she is becoming! She has her own preferences, shakes her head when she doesn't want something, tells me when she's in the mood to give me hugs or not. Where did this little person come from? Just a few months ago, she was mostly quiet and observant. Now, she's telling us what she thinks! I love her.

So...tomorrow I should try to get on here and update again. Until then, I'm off to bed! G'night!

2009-08-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am so so sick. And yet, I spent the day and night trying to survive taking care of Alyssa and going about regular daily tasks. I was in and out of a fever. I feel like it's back but I can't find the damn thermometer. Wouldn't make a difference anyways.

Michael took Aly at around 10:30 so that I could relax. I ended up spending 30 minutes online (15 of which were spent trying to figure out why my yahoo account would not let me login). And the rest of the time up till now was spent doing laundry, sifting through some of the last move-in bags, and washing dishes, storing food Michael made for Alyssa, picking up tissues and diapers that did not make it to the garbage all day because I felt so weak...And now I am EXHAUSTED.

I am going upstairs to brush my teeth, take another shower, and crawl into bed where I'll likely not pass out immediately. God willing, I'll get to sleep right away, but eh...

Hopefully Micahel will wake up with Aly and take her to the beach to walk around a bit in the morning so that I can sleep in and maybe kick this thing?

A Trade

2009-08-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow, I will be pulling a switcheroo with someone. A student going off to college, purchased a Macbook a little under a year ago, and has decided they'd prefer a smaller, Windows-based laptop for school. Smart decision. It was a pain in the ass having a Mac at school because I was too broke to spring for proper software that would alleviate some of the problems I ran into- i.e. trying to download a partner's paper to proof from their Window's based PC. Ugh.
He checked out the specs and wants to trade me for mine. An even trade.

I actually really like my laptop. In fact, I love it. But on the whole, I prefer a Mac.
And so, tomorrow I will be giving someone my beloved Gateway laptop.
Bye bye baby. I will miss you. A lot. I hope your new owner treats you well.

Mmmm....Michael just finished making chicken cordon-bleu and I just had a taste. Delicious stuff. And now, I will go make madeleine cookies and wash some laundry!

Pictures tomorrow. At last! I transferred them to the PS3, then to a thumbdrive, and tomorrow, I'll get 'em on the computer. Okay, off to get things done!!

Pictures, please?

2009-08-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Many many pictures to post. Now if only I could find my camera cord...

To do's Today

2009-08-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

List of things to get accomplished today:
+Move conference room table to garage
+Move antique table to first floor hallway- DONE!
+Cook two meals for me and Mike and two or three for Alyssa
+Wash one load of laundry- DONE!
+Write in 2 recipes to my recipe book- DONE!
+Try out new eyeshadow- DONE!
+Drive over donation stuff to my parents' house- DONE!
+Write up at least 3 baby shower game ideas for Jen to pick from
+Call Nikole and Amanda- DONE!
+Print pictures from USB- DONE!
+Mail out letter to Aunt- DONE!
+Visit used bookstore on Federal- DONE!
+William Sonoma for doughnut cutter and cookie cutters- DONE!
+Take Alyssa into the pool- DONE!

Update:
I want you know...there are admittedly many times when I shake my head at my husband's habits, and I wonder if I'll be able to accept them for the next hopefully 50 or so years.
And I, ever the pessimist, and someone who just barely believes in "love" with one person forever, will run down the list of good and bad things (as I perceive them) about my husband; whereupon, I always have to admit that although the list of habits I do not enjoy is considerably longer than the ones I do, the list of good ones he has more than makes up for the bad stuff. So here we are. I appreciate him and all of the good he has to offer. I really do.

Off to get these things done now that the baby is up!!

A sort of confession? A bit of bad taste.

2009-08-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

Something you may or may not know about me: I looooove after-school special shows.
I mean, I like ones about degenerates as well (i.e. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia), but I also enjoy what may be labeled as "family" shows. So, I watch some really lame-o ones. One in particular that I've watched from beginning to end, several times over, is What I Like About You.
And, okay, so I've never wanted a sister, but having watched this show, I have decided I really wish I could have had one. Although...I don't believe the relationship between Holly and Valerie are at all what most sisters' relationships are actually like in real life! Still, the show has me thinking about what it would be like to have one. Kind of silly, I know; but there it is. A sort of confession.

Here's one that may take the cake- I really really like the made-for-TV movie Holiday In Handcuffs; so much so, that I have asked Michael to buy it for me this Christmas since I didn't get it last Christmas.

So, I suppose this may change your feelings about me now that you know what terribly cheese-ball stuff I like. lol

Movies and Music

2009-07-31T19:52:00.001-07:00

A Must:

I read this book to Alyssa every week at least once. (I'd read it more, but she's not yet 9 months old, and seeing as how it's not too colorful or chew-able as her board books are, she doesn't care to read it more often than that.) I must say though, that I think it's messed up how mean Max is to the Wild Things when he's king. Like he treats them the way he's been treated even though he didn't like it, himself. What the heck is that about?? Alyssa and I usually discuss this upon finishing the book...and then she'll end the discussion with a toot or a giggle. I love her.

Another must: I love Michael Cera...every time I see him I just want to squeeze him...

This looks like a cute movie. One that'll put a smile on my face.

And finally, I've been on a Beirut kick again lately. I really really enjoy Zach Codon and his musical stylings:

Today, watching Alyssa at play, seeing her look up at me and laugh a nice hearty laugh just because I was hacking a bit, then leaning back to give me a kiss, I thought how nice it will be to play with her in more elaborate scenes as she gets older. Hopefully it'll be as nice as I'm thinking it'll be. It'll be nice for me as long as she enjoys hanging out with me.
I have plans for building a time machine with her...we'll be time traveling cool kids. Yeah...

Sicky-pants McGee

2009-07-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

I am terribly sick. Sore throat, feeling worn out, every muscle in my body is aching and feeling tired.

Alyssa had a slight fever a couple of days ago, a runny nose, and was quite irritable for a few days leading up to that. We figured she was teething. Now I think she was teething and sick, poor little baba ghanoush.
Today she seems to be back to her usual, happy, energetic self. Aaaaaand, she is getting her very first tooth in. You can officially see and feel the top of a little tooth on the bottom right-hand side of her mouth. I am so happy for her. Who knew that a tooth could make me so excited and happy? She's growing up. So quickly, I might add.

Every passing day she surprises me with something new- she'll turn the page now for me when we're reading (board books only, not thin pages- she tries, but can't get only one with those!). She mimics noises form time to time, and is curious about how handles work, among other things. These are so mundane, I know, but I enjoy seeing her make connections. I enjoy just about everything she does.

She is exhausting, but she is so much fun. My family visisted us today for a couple of hours, and when my mom, dad, and Alyssa were dancing and laughing, I asked my mum if my brother and I were as much fun as Alyssa is, and she was like, "no. no way." And she was totally serious! Haha! I guess I should have expected that, maybe? My brother was a serious little kid, and I was mostly quiet and observant. This is what I've been told about us, and I believe it- It's mostly how we are now.

I had pictures taken on my phone of my little family engaged in various activities, that I was going to upload, but for whatever reason, they have been erased by my husband while he tried to update the firmware on my phone.

So only two pics this time:

My snack tonight:

Reading to Alyssa: (You can see the pots and pans that we were banging around with, in the background)

She is such a sweet little potato. I love her.

Ugh. I need some Ricola cough drops...
Going to get a drink and then curl up with my book in bed.

Lovers

2009-07-24T19:38:00.000-07:00

So, I have grown up with carbohydrates at every meal.
Breakfast always had toast or was some sort of bready-food item. A pastry or an english muffin, pancakes, muffins....mmm...or homefries. Yum!!! Breakfast was my favorite meal.
Lunch always had a sandwich or a wrap or pasta somewhere in it.
Dinner always had rice and some other starch- plantains cooked in various ways, potatoes, sweet potatoes, beans, or whatever.
I love eating. Always have. And carbs/starches have been a favorite of mine. I love them.
Sugar is another love of mine, but more than sugar, it's the carbs.
My mother made all the carbs brown (whole wheat, brown rice, etc), and she cooked really healthy stuff, but since I've been on my own, I've been eating like crap. Especially since I hate cooking. There's been a lot of canned and boxed stuff and lots and lots of eating out. Feel free to gag, reading that last sentence.

Diabetes runs in my family. My mothers' side is made up of string-bean skinny people. I think my mom is the "biggest" at a size 6. My fathers' side however, is mostly overweight and diabetic.
It is a well-accepted fact around the house, that my tastes and eating habits mirror those of my father and his side of the family. Ha!

I don't want diabetes or high cholesterol (of which I've already been told I have a high level for someone my age). I would like to have healthy eating habits.
So, after an acquaintance told me about the specific carbohydrate diet, I looked into it.
In short, it's a diet primarily for people who cannot eat grains or gluten, and most dairy.
I'm not following it for a couple of reasons, one being that I must eat wheat (gluten) if I am going to eat anything with flour in it at all (allergic to the alternative almond flour), but it has so many delicious recipes.

So here it is: I am going to try to eat carbs at only 1 or 2 meals a day. I have been eating them at breakfast and lunch, but not snacking on them, and not at dinner. Or, like today, I had a burger and a salad for dinner, so I skipped out on the carbs at lunch anticipating the roll I'd eat with dinner. And I still had pancakes and eggs for breakfast. So it's not like I'm drastically re-working my diet. Just trimming it and trying new, healthier recipes.

Anyways, I don't think it's too much to cut out. I still eat it everyday, I've just cut out at least half of it. Instead of fruit or veggies, I always snacked on carb. Now, I eat fruits and veggies as a snack instead. I still don't like fruit or veggies all that much, but I am learning to like them. Ugh.
(I'm not adventerous in my eating either...but I'm trying)...

Wish me luck in eating healthier!!

I'll be making my own yogurt when I get my YoGourmet ingredient in the mail. Curious how that'll end up! :p

Volunteer

2009-07-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

So, I signed up for Volunteer Broward over a year ago, attended orientation, and then never did anything because the more pregnant I got, the more tired I got. And then once Aly was born, I didn't really know how to both raise a child AND continue occasionally living a life outside of her.

So fast forward to now, and I am finally going to commit to volunteering somewhere. I am on a mission darnit. Just one weekend a month. That's not too much to ask for, is it? There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to meet that small goal? Is there?

Ok. Well, tomorrow, my mother is watching Aly and I'll be cleaning our home/cooking while Michael clears out the rest of what remains at our old house.

Maybe some grilled mahi mahi? I had telapia tonight so maybe not more fish...
We'll see!

Surprise

2009-07-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am surprised to see my initial reaction/decisions about things. Sometimes I am proud of myself and happy about the road I was first compelled to take, and others, an initial decision horrifies me and I wonder if I really am a terrible person. Terrible person as in petty and mean-spirited.

I fight it. I don't go with the petty and mean route (not usually at least), but I am still surprised and a saddened to see that side of me. Has anyone noticed this kind of occasional meanness in themselves? There I was, watching a movie tonight, and bam, something happened that made me scream inside that I would not have done what one of the main characters had done. I got to thinking about how I would have reacted in the character's case, and there she was- that mean, petty, unforgiving person. Jealous and ready to turn someone in need away for so many stupid reasons. I really hope I'm not really a mean person trying to be a nice one. :(

No dangit, I'm not. I'm a nice person. Aren't I?

In other news, we are trying to convince Alyssa to sleep in the crib. It's not going so well.
Additionally, she's been such a cranky-pants. She hasn't been her wonderful, pleasant self, these past two days. Additionally, she's hardly eating. Michael thinks she may be teething, but I told him that if she isn't back to herself in another day, we're taking her to see the pediatrician.

Ok. Off to bed.

Note to self: pick up a copy of The Secret Garden tomorrow and read it to my little miss.

Struggling a bit lately...

2009-07-11T19:37:00.000-07:00

There are moments in my life where I find myself so carefree and content that I stop whatever I'm doing and begin to reflect on the possible reasons why I have such an easy life. And then I imagine less-fortunate, exploited, and/or painfully uneducated and forgotten people (i.e. Appalachian area) who must not have these moments, and I start to feel a bit guilty and down about the state of those peoples' lives. So...other than the things you can control, why do bad things, sometimes befall good people, and good things. sometimes happen to bad people? And how did I luck out with my life? Is it just that- luck? A random lottery draw?

I wonder if I'll get these answers upon my death. ? Morbid thought, but really, I wonder if I'll ever know the answers to these questions.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, my family and I made the trek to South Beach. We are not wild about Miami, though I will say that if you have to live in South Florida in general, it's probably the best place you can be.
Anyways, we made the trek because my brother likes a German bar down there and wanted to take my husband to drink some beer and eat some meat there. (Consuming these two foods is unquestionably one of my brother's favorite pastimes). "My mother and I will go to the Seaquarium," I think to myself. Well, then I see online that it's mostly outdoors, not like an Aquarium which is generally an indoor affair. So I let my brother and my hubby know that they can go without me; I don't want to have Alyssa out for a few hours in the sun. "Go to the Lincoln Road mall!" my brother suggests. I picture an indoor mall, as malls generally are indoor establishments.

We arrive, and of course, the "mall" is less like an indoor mall, and more of an outdoor shopping district.
So, the end result is still me and my sweaty, miserable 8-month old hanging out in this 90+ degree weather without shade, save a few tiny awnings sprinkled here and there. It wasn't even shaded like I can say the Las Olas shopping district is shaded. ::sigh::

For two hours we walked around. Alyssa was so hot and sweaty that she basically just sat limp in my arms or in her stroller with her head down, looking at the floor or her stroller straps. Such a sad sight. We kept her hydrated and moving and took her into some over-priced yuck stores every now and then to cool off. Ugh! My parents and I eventually met up with my brother and husband at said bar/restaurant, and we hung out there for another hour or so. Alyssa perked up in the A/C, but was still sticky with dried sweat, and in need of a diaper change.
The thing about this restaurant and with the others we stopped at in that area- no changing table, and nowhere in the tiny bathrooms to even use as a makeshift one. Awesome. All in all, I'd say that that area is great to bring your baby to. What was my brother thinking???
I know that area can be fun, but not with a baby in tow, especially during the hottest part of the day, during what is arguably one of the hottest months of the year in South Florida...with cloth diapers. After three hours of this, we had to make another three stops: one at a pizza place, one at an empanada place, and one at an establishment offering 200 different kinds of beer.

Alyssa screamed on the way home, eventually passing out for a bit. When we arrived home, I fed her dinner, played with her, gave her a bath, and helped her pass out around 10:30. So here I am in bed finally, writing this.

What a day!

I am looking forward to tomorrow when I will insist that Michael and I go to the pool with Alyssa and possibly to a used bookstore I spotted over on Oakland.

Tuesday night, Michael, Alyssa, my mother in law, and I will all be driving up at 4am to Tampa, and then back down around 9:00pm to avoid a hotel stay. Whew! Another day I'm kind of concerned about surviving. Mainly because of the babe.

And finally, we were hit with a surprise $1500 fee by our association that should have been payed at the time of closing, but wasn't. So, we're scrambling to pull that out of our already-thin budget and in an effort to cut back and cover part of that, I doubt I'm going with Michael to Portland. Michael will probably fly up early on the 8th and fly back down that same night to once again, avoid hotel costs.

Can I win the lottery anytime soon, please? lol :)

Okay, off to cuddle with my baby!!! Hubby is still downstairs killing zombies, but I'll cuddle with him too when he finally makes it back up here! :p

Finally!

2009-07-09T22:18:00.001-07:00

I was able to pick up my contact lenses today. What a good feeling! I really prefer them for the day to day stuff than my glasses that perpetually fall off my face.

These past two days have been busy busy busy again.
Though Alyssa, Michael, and I did make time to play in water, and to watch bubbles cannibalize each other before we popped them in their collectively large state. Alyssa has a look of concentration whenever she reaches for them. She's so cute. I am enamored of everything she does. Well, almost everything. Letting me sleep well, and accepting the fact that we'd like her to sleep in her crib at night (right next to our bed, c'mon!) would be great.

I have no pictures to post tonight, as I have not taken any in a few days.
Tomorrow, my friends. Tomorrow.

Watched Benny and Joon tonight. Cute movie. Am I the only one who thought that Johnny Depp reminded them of Spike, Snoopy's brother. Something about the way that he looked in that movie just makes me think that...

Eh? Eh?

Okay off to brush my teeth and get to bed!

Familia

2009-07-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

My family has been in rotation here. My aunt from London came to visit, then my cousin and her children have been visiting from Las Vegas for a bit now. My aunt from New Jersey stopped in briefly, and this past week, my cousin from Texas came down for a quick visit. He'll be in Ft. Lauderdale until Thursday.

I really love my family, and though we are scattered, i am so happy we see each other.
I am going to make a serious effort to go visit them as well. London, Texas, Las Vegas, and New Jersey...

I have been hanging out with them most days, lately, and as such, our home remains fairly untouched. We still haven't settled. i cannot wait to have everything calm down enough to get back into making progress with our home.

Other news: This month, i think I'll be able to sign up for classes starting in August. Woohoo!
Michael, Alyssa, and I will all be in Portland, Oregon in August for a wedding.
We saw Transformers 2 today. Awesome. We then discussed other giant-robot franchises that we have enjoyed over the years...what a bunch of nerds...

Tomorrow, we're all meeting up again, and hopefully somewhere in there, I will squeeze in some chores. But let's be honest- i probably won't.

Off to bed!

Bake, Bake, Bake, panic

2009-07-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

I've been in the mood to bake lately.
Two nights ago, I made blueberry muffins from scratch. I had a mini-bite of one because I'm too scared to eat it. I hear they're good though.

Tonight, Michael and I picked up some freshly ground peanut butter from Whole Foods, and are making flour-less peanut butter cookies. Yum! I am having a panic-attack as we speak because I just ate one and am terrified that my mouth will swell and that I'll have to go to the hospital, or worse, that my throat will close. This panic and fear has a grip on me even though I just double-checked my tests and I am NOT allergic to peanuts. Nonetheless, thus is the life of someone who already has an anxiety/panic disorder. Seriously, my heart feels liek it may just beat right through my chest cavity right now. Slight hyperventilation. Ugh. Nice, Megan.

Two pics. More manana.
\

Now let me check my test sheets again...

Souvenirs

2009-06-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was checking myself out in the mirror (trying to make myself want to exercise after having to see the cellulite and all), and I noticed that I have soooooo many varicose veins. Soooo many. It's just awful. I had a few before I had Alyssa, but wow, after having her, it's like ugly city down there. This sucks.
I am complaining about my body, and then bam, I see something on National Geographic about some poor boy who was born with a rare genetic disease that makes him horribly disfigured and puts him in serious danger of dying young. I know, put into perspective, these are minor things to have to put up with, but I am wholly unsatisfied with the shape I'm in.

We are almost completely unpacked, but take a look at what I was faced with still, only days ago:

In what will be Alyssa's room.

What a freaking mess. This is one area of the living room.

The breakfast bar looking into the kitchen.

And a bag full of recyclables because for whatever reason, our community does not recycle...we'll be taking them in ourselves.

Little by little, this townhouse is starting to grow on us. One thing I miss most? No where to sit and see nature; nowhere to even go for a walk, unless we want to make the 20 minute walk to the beach. We do have some really nice parks near us, and I will probably end up taking Alyssa there so that she can experience some "nature," but there are no more opportunities to sit outside and feel the breeze while watching birds peck around at our grass or out of our bird feeder. There is no greenery here to speak of. I am determined to make one of our patios on the top floor, our own secret garden. I'll post a before and after.

The 22nd was my birthday. 26. We celebrated with a sweet potato pie and dinner my mother made for me. She loves me. Michael bought me a new laptop, and my brother's gift to me (at my request) will be taking us to the Premier in Boca to watch Transformers this weekend.
Oh, and can I say how excited I am for the new Harry Potter?

Aly and Mike at birthday dinner:

Yo:
Check out half of my allergy testing:

I am allergic to oats, barley, rye, and slightly to almonds. Although, I eat almonds all the time. Especially when they're coated in chocolate.
And outside of food, I am allergic to just about everything else on earth. My doctor said I'm the type of person they'd write papers on. Ha!

Enough about me. What's new with you?

A Little Change

2009-06-21T20:24:00.000-07:00

The picture above was taken in the half bath in our new townhome.
It is so sterile and big compared to our old, tiny home that we just came from.
Old, tiny housing is what I'm used to. And now this...the building lacks any character whatsoever. However, nothing is falling apart or broken, and we have more space, and so, I am happy. It will just take awhile to make some memories here.

Actually, the first memory that I can associate with this place so far, is of me being incredibly frightened. The very first day we came to measure for blinds and check it out before officially moving in, Michael and I brought a multi-grain Pizza Fusion pizza with us to eat.
I was just finishing my second piece when my entire mouth swelled up. It was so bad that you could see it on the outside. My cheeks were huge.
I panicked because I know your throat can close in these situations. We left in a hurry to get to the hospital in case I needed help.
I was two days away from having insurance though, and didn't want to go in unless I absolutely had to. We waited, and the swelling began to die down. It was with me for a couple of hours, but it went away, thankfully.
So, that was my first memory here in our new home. That of panic.

Fast forward two weeks, and I am afraid to eat anything bread-y. I went to the allergist and a preliminary test showed me as allergic to oats, barley, wheat, and some grains.
I used to have food allergies: chicken, yeast, mint, etc. But I haven't had any since I was a very young child. I guess they are back, and with a vengeance because my mouth never swelled like that. I used to just break out into hives.

I go back tomorrow for more conclusive testing, but the sheer fear of swelling up like that and possibly of having my throat close, has kept me away from any kind of breads and oats. The only carby thing I'm eating is rice. As a result, I have gone down a dress size. It's crazy. I'm a size 2 now. This may be the best diet ever: a diet based on fear, lol.

So tomorrow will be busy with picking up contact lenses, going to the allergist for a couple of hours (oi!), and cleaning the rest of the mess in the house.

Happy Fathers Day to all you papas out there!! And to the one in this picture. He is a doting father. That is for sure.

Favorites

2009-06-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

There she is. The most delightful person I think I may ever have the pleasure of meeting.

Before I became a mother, I used to imagine that having a child was akin to seeing your heart walking around, entirely too unprotected. And now that I am a mother, I now know that she's even more important to me than my own heart. She's awesome.

Sooooo, we have moved in, y'all.
The place is really nice, but a bit too big for my liking. It is by far the largest home I have ever lived in. I prefer small, cozy homes with character. And while this townhouse is beautifully new and clean, with upgraded appliances and a nice master bath, it is cookie cutter and cavernous.
At least, that's my opinion.
Nonetheless, I'm not asking anyone to kick me out of here! It is a nice place to live.
I'll post pictures later tomorrow. I actually haven't even taken any. We've been strapped for time.

Today, I went to the allergist. Something I ate last week, made my mouth and face swell up immensely. A preliminary test shows that I am allergic to: oats, rye, wheat, and barley. Nice.
I have officially sworn off multi-grain anything and cannot even eat my favorite pre-made cookies. I have to go back on Monday to take one last test before the doctor gives me the final list of items to avoid.

Ok. So, off to bed. I am exhausted.

Ellamennopee

2009-06-05T21:04:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been on here for a while. I have been very busy! Very busy indeed.
Michael and I have been trying to get our lives in order, and apparently, that will take up quite a bit of your time. Ha!

So, as you probably do not know, Michael owned a real-estate title company.
A few months back, he shut down because he was not producing enough and thus, was more a of a liability for his underwriter, than was worth it.

Here we are, several months later, and he is still looking for a job.
He has been looking, but I think he was banking on the possibility of asking his sister to see if she could get him a job at her place of work. Unfortunately, as he found out this week, they are not hiring for any position that pays what he wants to make.

I have offered to get a job, and he can stay home with the baby, because I can make what we need, in order for one of us to stay home. But he insists that it is his role to provide, and that Alyssa needs me, not him. He loves us. But I wish he'd be open to that option!
And if that was not already complicated enough, let me throw in a foreclosure.
When Michael originally lost his job at the title company he was working at before he opened his own, we could no longer afford our house. From there, we wouldn't have fought for it even if we could (which we could not), as it has devalued tremendously- I'd say, by about $150,000. Ridiculous. So, we have the sale date of our home- July 8th.

Fast forward to today. We make the decision to rent a townhouse in a nice neighborhood (a serious upgrade from our current one), at a really reasonable price. (It will be only a few hundred dollars more than our last one-bedroom 900 square ft apt, and this is a 2500 sq ft townhouse)! Florida is freaking expensive...And we won't have to pay for the first two months.
So, in a couple of weeks or less, we will be moving into a brand new, never-lived-in townhouse. I like this. However, I do not like that we are living off of savings. Yuk.

I am so anxious. I want to start looking for work for myself despite what Michael says. I really wouldn't mind being the one to work. I'd be happy if one of us could stay home with Alyssa no matter which one of us it is.

Okay, so tomorrow, we will have grandma and grandpa over to watch the little babooshka so that Mike and I can start packing and cleaning.
I will also take that opportunity to post pictures!

Sunday will be spent with the in-laws. Not sure yet what the plan is though...
And Monday will be spent with Julie up in Lake Worth.

And lastly, I would love to see this movie this weekend, but I doubt that will happen. Time constraints and all: Away We Go.

Okay y'all. Goodnight!!!

Friday Night

2009-05-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

Well, life has been life.

I have been really working on myself; becoming more patient, taking note of things that make me happy instead of dwelling/focusing on everything I would change about people, my life, and myself.

Other than that, I'd say my life is pretty dull. If I were to write a book about it right now, it would not be a page turner.
Life is work. I am working at unlearning my usually unrelenting pessimism and fear of everything; I am working on my marriage, as sharing a life with someone is not easy; I am working on being a mother, a human being, a sister, a daughter, and a friend, as I have never been good at the latter four, and am hoping not to mess up the first.
But, I am happy.
And yet, there is a restlessness within me; a desire for something additional. I think I really want to get on with this psychology thing...

Saw Lesli yesterday. She's in a great place in her life; I'm really glad we've been able to maintain contact/friendship over the years. She's one of my few girlfriends. I've always been more comfortable with men than women in regards to friendship, but once I got serious with Michael, of my own accord, I parted ways with most of my male friends. And my other closest girlfriend now resides in China. :(

Off to watch reruns of Dark Angel that I Tivo'd earlier today. The SciFi channel was airing episodes today for some reason...
yes...lame.

Enough is never enough

2009-05-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

Alyssa bought her first pair of shoes today.

They are a bit big on her. But here they are being worn with mismatched socks.

And here she is taking a look at them.

Happy with them.

Alyssa and her daddy.

I will have an actual update tomorrow. :)

Also, Star Trek was pretty awesome.

That is all.

Thirsty

2009-05-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

So, I just purchased BumGenius cloth diapers for Alyssa. I bought the bamboo fitted kind, with some Thirsties diaper covers.

When they are delivered, we shall see how I will make this work!
Here's to cloth diapering!

Michael, Alyssa, and I went to Lesli's 26th birthday party today. As usual, I brought the camera, but did not take any pictures. I need to bring Lesli's present to her this week when it arrives, so I'll get some pictures of the ensuing visit.
Also, surprisingly,Kerrie was there. I haven' spoken to her in years!

It was maybe 5 years ago when someone I decided not to be friends with anymore, was upset with my decision and acted out in some pretty ridiculous ways. It was a strange and dramatic scenario that I chose to walk away from rather than get wrapped up in, and Kerrie had asked me why I had given said former friend the cold shoulder. This had upset me, as any normal human being could see that my former friend was actually a pretty terrible person (not just for acting out against me, but for other reasons that had lead me to the decision to disassociate myself with her in the first place). She was a spoiled child of privilege who compulsively shoplifted, lied, and cheated, among other things. Anyways, this upset me, and I decided that if her behavior was not appalling to K, maybe it would be best if I broke it off with her as well. Well, I had missed Kerrie's and my friendship, and had felt that perhaps I had been too severe, too quick to judge, but I had no way of contacting her. But, there she was. She's happy and doing well, but lives in Maine. I'm really glad I got to catch up with her.

All in all, the party was fun! Right when we got there though, Alyssa pooped UP her back, and all over her dress! It was everywhere, and lo and behold, for the first time in 6 months-- I forgot to bring wipes!!! I used damp toilet paper and a wet burp cloth to clean Alyssa up, poor thing. What else could I do? I already had her undressed and diaper-less when I realized the wipes weren't there. Poor baby. But, she got cleaned!

Tomorrow, Michael and I will be heading to my parents' house- My mother will be watching Alyssa while the gang (reference to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) goes to watch Wolverine.

Afterwards, we will take Alyssa to Marjorie's pool and see how she feels about a pool, for the first time. And I, hopefully, at some point, will get some time to flip through the last 3 Domino magazine issues I haven't been able to read yet.
Domino is no longer in circulation though. As of February. Not sure why...

Okay, off to finish watching my What I Like About You Season 1 Disc 1. I know...I am lame...

Music and pics

2009-04-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was reminded of music I once listened to A LOT, but having it played it to death, had moved on and forgotten all about it.

My sophomore year in college, I stumbled upon Mouse on Mars and the Flaming Lips. It was not until the following year though, that I would really appreciate the FL.
I've had "Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell" in my head all day. The song, and the album it's on, can be found here: Myspace Music.

Let's see...I'm still sick. I can't stop hacking. Thankfully, Alyssa has not been sick with Michael and I. We've also had the good fortune not to have developed a fever at any point.

I don't really have much time to post tonight, so here are a few pictures I took documenting the breakdown of tummy-time negotiations:

Things to Enjoy

2009-04-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

Making me happy at the moment:

1.)Different hats to wear:
Anthropologie accessories. Just looking! They're quite expensive.

2.)Someone to Love:

3.)My baby and my hubby.

4.)Joel McHale and The Soup!

Video and a post

2009-04-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I'm not on here more often...
Well, Michael and I finished reading Dean Koontz's Shadowfires. We read that instead of The Once and Future King. Yesterday, we started The Scarlet Letter.

Michael has to close his company down. His underwriter has chosen not to renew their contract to represent him and thus, he cannot keep his company open. There are only a few underwriters left in Florida. A lot of them are pulling out because there have been so many claims. I'm not arguing. I've wanted him out of that industry because he hated it; the downside however, is that his days here with me at home, are limited. (He works from home). The days I spend without him, I feel like going crazy. I have no adults to talk to, without him. And we only have one car, so when he's gone, I'm stuck at home. I'm not brave enough to take a bus yet, with Alyssa. I'd only do it if I absolutely had to...
Anyways, they have given him 30 days, with the warning that they could possibly close him down even earlier, if they decide to. So, essentially, we have maybe 30 more days of income. Oddly enough, I am not panicking...I wonder why not?
I've already volunteered to get a job, but Michael really prefers that we keep Alyssa at home with me instead of daycare if at all possible. We're not against daycare. Like any other parent, we're just hoping we don't have to. I want so badly to spend time with Alyssa, so I hope I am able to continue this...

Let's see...we're going to Portland in August for a wedding.

Oh yes, and Ophelia spend almost 48 hours outside of our house. She managed to slip by us out the front door and we searched high and low for her that night and the following day. We knocked on doors, made signs, and even brought in dogs to help sniff her out of our yard, but we did not find her. I thought she must be dead by then; it was pretty hot and even in the shade, the weather was still enough to make you sweat. And ferrets don't do well in heat. But the second morning she was missing, I opened the door, and there she was! She ran inside, and aside from some scratches and fleas, she was alright. I am soooo happy! I had prayed for some miracle, and there she was. I really don't know how she made it back.

Ok. Off to bed!! Hope you are all doing well.

A pancake with eyes and a mouth that I made for Alyssa. :p

Flight of the Choncords! We went to their show in Miami!

Baby and Daddy!

Sophie the giraffe

2009-04-04T07:03:00.000-07:00

So, Alyssa got her Sophie teether in yesterday.

So far as I can tell, she loves it!
We got it because it is made of pure rubber and chemical free. Even the dye used to color her is food-grade dye.

I got in the replacement cord for our camcorder so hopefully I'll make a movie today!

Off to eat some pancakes that my hubby has made!

Exhale

2009-03-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been absent from blogger lately.
I've had good and bad days.

My beloved Allister died of adrenocortical carcinoma cancer.
He was wonderful and I still do love him. We buried him at my parents' house near my family's beloved ferret.

I love him so very much. He was incredibly sweet.

The good news is, that Alyssa continues to blossom and grow. She's been "talking" a lot lately. And she's getting better at using her hands, with every passing day.
Now if only I could get her to do/enjoy tummy time...

We are giving Ophelia, our other ferret to my parents not just because my brother has been asking us to please please giver her to him, since we adopted her, but also because I feel her. I have zero extra time to give her attention, and now especially with her sibling gone, I think she needs more attention and love. We'll still see her a few times a week, and I'll actually be able to enjoy her when we go over there. They love ferrets and my father is home all day, so it works out. Well, the only problem is that She has to stick to the master bedroom and bathroom because my brother's girlfriend's dog also currently (temporarily) resides there, and they do NOT get along.

Anyways, here are some pictures:

I think I'm going to go see my doctor next week. I've been feeling off in so many ways lately, and I'd like to know what's up. Nothing serious, I hope. But then, that's what I always do- worry about the worst possible outcome. :/

That is all. Off to go get ready for bed with my loves! :)

A Separate Life

2009-03-08T21:03:00.001-07:00

Update on the life of:

I've been settling into life as a mother just fine. The beginning was a little rough, but lately, things have been pretty good.
Things are sluggish in the realm of Michael and I going into business together. I sat the guys down though, we made an agenda and set some deadlines, and the next meeting will be Tuesday. Hopefully we'll keep this up.
I've decided to include more quality pieces in my wardrobe, so I hit the mall on Saturday and was able to afford two pretty decent items. Quality clothing is damn expensive...it'll definitely be a while before I can add to those two items, lol.

In more important news, these are a few things I've been into lately:
Beirut, Devendra Banhart, & Flosstradamus.
Been watching my Gilmore Girls DVDs whenever I can.
Been reading Shadowfires by Dean Koontz, with Michael. It's definitely suspenseful, but not one of his best.
Been looking into going back to school to take classes just for fun...I really am a nerd and I love school. I miss it.
I am going to talk to Michael about taking on Full Contact Krav.
Also, Alyssa is getting more and more attentive to everyone and everything, with every passing day. I am really so happy she is my daughter. I don't know how or why I've been this lucky.
Oh, and Michael and I gave up on buying kayaks. Even used, they are way too expensive.
I am determined to pick up a copy of Autobiography of a Face and begin it sometime in the next week.

I've decided, I agree with George Bernard Shaw: Youth is [absolutely] wasted on the young. And of course, so does Rod Stewart...I love Rod.
It's a funny thing, getting older. Michael and I always laugh when we hear his teenage brother talk about things that are important to him, because we know that at some points in our lives, we were the same. Prioritizing the same inane things...
But do we ever change? Our mentality, I mean. I know we do mature, but really intead of Air Force Ones (sneakers), we prefer Dior sunglasses or Tag Heuer watches.

Anyways, I am going to bed.

Picture Post

2009-03-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

So, we'll start with a few pics from the baptism:

pre-baptism

The god-parents, my brother and his girlfriend of the past decade.

Me, mom, and Alyssa

Alyssa post-baptism, happy to be out of that dress

Alyssa and I in our Moby wrap

Other news: my previous employer contacted me and asked if I would come back at 30 hours a week. Michael and I discussed it, and decided I would not take the position...

Oh man...it took me three tried to get alyssa into a deep sleep, and Michael jokingly started rolling around on the bed to show me that she wouldn't wake up if I moved from my position on the bed, and bam, she woke up...thanks a lot Michael. And poor Alyssa; no one likes being woken from a deep sleep...

Gotta go.

More later.

New

2009-02-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

So, i was watching this special on the Discovery Health Channel about "freebirthing." Whew! If we have another child, i would like to have a homebirth, but with a midwife present! What's the harm in having a midwife there? I wonder why some women prefer being totally unassisted? I'm not condemning them- I'm just curious what they dislike about even a midwife's assistance?

Hmm...what else is new. I've been absent form here for a bit, but that's mostly because things have been relatively boring here in the Mansueto household.

Alyssa was baptized on February 15th. I'll have to post pictures tomorrow of this and of the recent days. I was crying through most of he baptism...it really does mean so much to me to have her formally welcomed into the church.

Also, Michael and I celebrated our anniversary on the 13th. (Though we were actually married on the 8th of February). He planned out a wonderful night for us. It ended with a picnic-dessert on the beach that night, where he asked me to marry him again (our actual engagement story is pretty depressing and he wanted to make up for that), and presented me with my wedding ring which he had had cleaned and engraved with the word "Fatum." He had it engraved in latin instead of English, because my tattoos are written in latin...I love him so much. We are both so different and take to pointing this out to each other pretty often unfortunately, but we still appreciate one another as our perrfect counterparts.

Last weekend, i missed a bridal shower because we bombed the house for fleas and because of other events that morning that kept me from leaving on time...i got peed on by the ferrets on the way there, forgot the presents, etc.
Also missed a free meal at a new Asian bistro that my friend is doing pr work for...::sigh::

I did watch the Rocker over the weekend though, the new Futurama movie today, and...the new High School musical. Don't judge. I'm lame like that. I love the feel good Disney movies...but i draw the line at Hannah Montana, lol. I don't want to watch that!

Ok. Have ot get to bed.

More later!!

Earrings and a video

2009-02-10T20:53:00.000-08:00

So, I made a video yesterday to post, but since the song that I'd like to accompany the video was purchased from iTunes, it's in m4p format which is not easily converted to mp3 format (the only format I can use to put it in my video). Stupid DRM. Tomorrow, I will convert it; it's a bit of a lengthy process...

So, today, we went to Alyssa's 3 month check-up. She got her second round of shots (poor baby), and a clean bill of health (thankfully!).
She also got her ears pierced. And this weekend, we are baptizing her. She's a busy girl!

Michael and I finished reading The Historian and have moved onto The Once and Future King. In my moments of spare time (few and far between), I am reading The Invisible Man, by myself. Mike wasn't interested in that one.
I actually really wanted to pick up Autobiography of a Face to read together, but again, Michael wasn't interested in that one. So, I'll have to pick it up on my own once I'm done with Invisible Man.

Well, I don't have much more for ya' so I'll leave with some pictures:

Alyssa, unsure of how to feel about getting her picture taken in the car.

Excited to be with daddy!

My face is back to breaking out!

She's so much better-looking than her mother or father, that's for sure!

My baby girl with earrings! And self-inflicted scratches. I swear she's determined to peel off a portion of her face...she fights me to scratch her face. I'm not sure of what else I can do to keep her from doing that...

Busy busy busy

2009-02-07T21:24:00.001-08:00

I have been a very busy girl lately. Hence, my absence from this blog. :(

I have been trying to get things in order lately. It's been a difficult task for me, to begin regaining control over my personal affairs. After Alyssa was born, it's like my whole world was thrown for a loop. Having a routine and calendar of events/tasks is easier than trying to create these things. And right now, I am in the throws of starting this up.

Been going to the gym again. I am a FAR cry from being in any kind of shape, but the point is, I'm finally making time for exercise. Also, Michael and I may take up kayaking...
It would be easy enough to leave the kayak at my parent's house, so we could just drive over there, hand Alyssa over to her grandmother (who loves any chance to spend time with her!), and jump in the kayak and paddle around for a bit.

So, tomorrow, I will post a video update.

Off to read with my hubby, and then pass out!! It's been a VERY long week, and today was no exception for the busy-ness.

Update

2009-01-25T20:52:00.000-08:00

So, here's how life has been:

I have been getting more into a sort of routine with Alyssa. We're still fine-tuning things, but she and I know each other well enough now that it is getting easier for us to communicate with each other. I can now (usually) differentiate between her different cries and what she would like for me to do for her. I also now (usually) know what her threshold for certain activities is (i.e. grocery shopping, socializing with new people or with family).
Anyways, since things on that front are getting a bit easier for me, I have been able to dedicate some part of my brain to some issues outside of my baby:

1.) Work
2.) School
3.) Continuing working on those intentions I last posted.

In regards to work, Michael will more than likely be closing his title company. It's barely been turning a profit for a while now, and it looks like pretty soon it will not turn a profit at all.
So, we have been looking into going into business with my brother.
I'm not sure if all of this will pan out, but I'm really hoping it does. I do need to sit down with Mike and go over our finances to see if I'll have to go back to work until either we go into a venture with my brother or until he finds a different job to pay the bills.

I visited my old place of work last week, and people kept asking why I don't see if I can work from home, that they still need employees and since I already know the job...
So we shall see, but I really really would like to continue staying at home with Alyssa if I can. But of course, I understand, I have to place responsibility over preference.

In regards to school, I have put this on the back burner. I know of no Master's Psych program that can be taken part-time...maybe Nova Southeastern University but I didn't even bother to look because the debt I would incur going to that private Univ would be a heavy burden I don't want to saddle us with. I can wait a few more years to get back. In the meantime however, I would like to maintain some academic activity, so I think once we have issue #1 figured out, I will take some basic psych courses, some of the prereqs I'll eventually need to get into a program anyways.

Last week I worked on intention, and this week, I will work on accountability, evaluating and acknowledging underlying emotional and behavioral patterns that don't serve me well at all.

And now, some pictures! :)

More later!!

Long-term Intentions

2009-01-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

I intend to be an attentive and affectionate mother.
I intend to be a loving and supportive wife.
I intend to love Alyssa as the person she is, and to not try to fit her personality/life to fit my preferences in things.
I intend to be a world traveler.
I intend to make time for myself.
I intend to be honest with myself and with others.
I intend to accept the person I am, while not losing sight of opportunities for personal improvement and growth.
I intend to get my Master's degree in behavioral pschology.
I intend to eventually get my doctorate in psychology, and I intend to try my darndest to use it to make a difference in the lives of women and adolescent girls.
I intend to forever be grateful for the life I have been given and to pass that gratitude on to my daughter.
I intend to give back to the community, to mankind, wherever I can.
I intend to learn more about religions everywhere and to strenthen my own spiritual preference of Christianity.
I intend to live as a more patient person.

Test

2009-01-09T20:47:00.001-08:00

One two. One two.